WTF was that?!?!

So the title of today/tonight's entry doesn't have much to do with its content.  It was actually something that was said in the evening's events and was deserving to have something named after it.

I am always searching for answers and never getting any...esp when it comes to him.  Alas, it may be with all guys.  I do get answers...just way too late!

Tonight was what I needed.  It answers some of my questions directly and indirectly.  My strongest dislikes are in assumption making off of observations.  I think it must be a scientist's brain.  We make hypotheses from observations and then we go off (sometimes) to test them out to see if they are true.  The problem may lay in the fact that once they are tested and proven false, we don't believe our results.  We just assume they were unreliable and thus our hypothesis still stands!  (EEK!)

I am come to learn that I haven't lived for myself for a long time.  When I made the decision to come home to Houston, it was not my own.  I came back for my family.  If I had it my way, I probably would have stayed in Austin (though there were factors, maybe just A factor) that was driving me away too!

I have never been an overly assertive confident person but during my 2nd year internship, my confidence was built up.  I learned that my average work product was incredibly better than others.  If anything, it was more of others' exception products.  It sorta blew my mind as I felt that I was never good enough.  I started to learn that if I really tried hard, I would be amazing!  (I should have known this from my SAT scores in high school.  With little effort, I was scoring about 100 points higher than other friends who had taken prep courses!)  It has been instilled in me that my normal was not good enough.

When he told me that he felt like he was a patch for my happiness or to allow me to avoid my own issues, it hurt.  He was telling me something that I didn't believe to be true.  I loved him for him.  I wanted to be with him because I enjoyed my time with him and how he challenged me when he did.  I like having HIM as my partner.  So it hurt.  That's all I can say about that.

Tonight was what I needed and essentially, though I dragged it out, I achieved my goal.  Beyond that, I told him "I love you" though he may not have heard or ignored it.  What I needed to say was said and what I wanted to have done was done.

I hope that we keep in touch while I am away.  That's all I can say about that.