Long day

I don't think I can do it.

I woke up this morning for breakfast convo, a photo day at the park and then meeting up with him. It was awkward and fun at the same time.  At times, I would look at him and he would just be looking at me (or at least it seemed that way.)  I have no idea what was going through his head.  Part of me wanted to hold him.  It sucked that I didn't get the initial "hello" hug and it sucked even more that the "good bye" hug was a side hug and not even a real one.

I talked to him not that long ago.  I think I should stop talking to him on the phone.  The lack of facial cues is bad for me.  I went on and on as I always do.  He didn't say much and when he did it was the same thing: "you're being too hard on yourself" and "you weren't a bad girlfriend."  Things that don't necessarily give you closure.

I want to fix things so badly.  I want him to take me back.  Why am I trying so hard?  Because I love him?  Yes.  But why when it seems that he doesn't want me at all.