Why am I so scared?

I've always wondered that.  Why am I so scared of everything?

Rejection.  It sucks.  It hurts.  It's another blow to my self-esteem.  It's shaming, even if it's self-shaming.

Last night, it took courage to talk to him.  I think it will continuously require courage to talk to him after all that happened.  He told me some things that were impactful and I wish I could understand it more.

It made me thing on multiple levels wondering if he felt I wasn't a good partner in supporting him and his faith.  Though I know I am not an extremely religious person but maybe more spiritual, I understand faith and belief (despite my outwardly response).  I truly believe that religion/spirituality is a personal thing that we choose to share with others at our own pace.

I think I have shared certain things about myself in the past and have been rejected.  Shoot, one of the biggest things was sharing that I was a virgin when I was 21 and soon after dumped for it.

It's amazing how life experiences affect you.   I am hoping that with time, I can grow and move on from all of this.