The hardest 24 hours...

It's been 24 hours since I've texted him or email him or talked to him.  It's been the TOUGHEST 24 hours of my life.  :(  It has been difficult not sending (or receiving) my daily good mornings but I know he needs time as much as I need time.

I always listen to music when I'm sitting at my desk and today I decided to make a "break up songs" channel on Pandora.  I feel like I'm just punishing myself but part of me feels that I deserve it.  If things don't work out, I think I will forever punish myself over this because he really was "the one."

Though I've been weird about it lately, I've always loved how he looks at me.  He's been super supportive of me and I feel recently there's been too much going on with me where it was difficult for him to support me.  He's always tried his best and I've come to realize I haven't shown him the appreciation he deserves.  If he gives me the opportunity, I will never ever let him feel unappreciated.

So my doctor's office has scheduled my surgery for July 14 at 10am.  They're going to get back to me to let me know if my insurance authorizes it and the hospital is okay with that time and date.  I'm nervous.  I have less than 12 days before I begin a tough six weeks.

Am I mentally ready?  No.
Am I emotionally ready?  No.
Am I physically ready?  Who knows!

So my goal is to prepare myself.  One day at a time...



Just words to leave behind....the lyrics to Jason Mraz's "I Won't Give Up"