My myomectomy and more...

I've been reading blogs about the experiences of other women and their myomectomies.  I want to be able to add in on that conversation on providing my account of my experience.

I went in on Monday, July 10 at 8am for a scheduled 10am surgery.  It started a little late as the IV was not inserted in my right till after 10am.  After a member of the anesthesiology team injected the "cocktail of drugs" that was gonna keep me feeling good, I have no memory of anything until I woke up to an extremely loud recovery room.  By 12:40pm, I was rolled into my room (569) to enjoy the company of my friends and family (the first being my best friend).

The pain was bad but I had access to a morphine pump that I eventually learned that I could click on once every 10 minutes to receive 1mg of morphine.  If I didn't do it on my own, I would get that same amount once an hour.  At this time, I was clicking as much as I could seeking for some type of relief.  As I looked down at my abdomen, I was pretty surprised to how big it was...extending above my belly button.

By Tuesday afternoon, I had the visit from my doctor and that is where I learn the details of my surgery.  He had removed a total of TEN fibroids, 4 more than he had informed me about, the largest being about 3.5lbs.  He showed me a picture and I am hoping that I will be able to get copies of it soon so I can share it with others.  He said my ovaries looked good and I am assuming that is to provide me with some type of comforting information.  Through conversations with my mom, I learned that I loss about a liter of blood but after my blood test on Tuesday (I'm assuming), he didn't opt for a transfusion which I was relieved about.  In the process I no longer have the big round belly that I had been dealing with for a while that was getting me questions of whether I was pregnant or not.  (If I had only known!)


As I entering another day of recovery, I'm coming to learn that I just want to walk around and others seem to be worried that it will be bad for my recovery.  As I am reading stuff online, I'm learning that the sooner I go back to normal, the better.  I think the biggest thing is to keep myself on top that I should be focusing on me and healing, whatever that means.

He and one of his closest friends came by and visited me today.  It was nice to see him after not having seen him since Tuesday.  It sucked that he didn't come alone but it was still good to have him here. It was weird for him to take things home with him (his Axe, his phone charger, etc) as I felt like he was taking them home because he would never need them here anymore.

I don't know how to process it or if I should attempt to process it at all by myself.  It may mean it is time to look for someone to talk to.  It may be on my list of to dos for the week.

I did read about the loving touch in one of my books today as we took a group nap on my bed.  When I finished, I turned to look at him and ever so softly played with his hair.  It looks like he's done something different to it, I am not sure, maybe a different cut, who knows.  I don't know if he felt my hand but part of me wanted to touch him more as I took deep breaths and took in his smell.

I miss him and I knew it more than ever as he was laying next to me.  It was hard to contain but I knew that if I was going to continue to try to respect him on some level, I would not do it.

It hurt even more that I wouldn't be able to eat the barbacoa that he got me.  My mom still believes in staying away from certain proteins, beef being one of them.

I wish I could be fair and honest and communicate with him how I feel but right now, this may be the only way to do it.

I want more time with him but I know I can't have it if he doesn't want to give it to me and honestly now, the only way I can have it is on his terms only...a lesson I am learning slowly.