Insecurities abounds...

We talked again tonight. He extended an invitation to his birthday dinner tomorrow night but I felt unsure purely because of what happened the last time he invited me there.  Part of me really wants to go to be there with him.  I know last year for his 30th, I wanted to be there to celebrate with him.  Now that he's actually in Houston and I can celebrate with him, because of our situation, I feel like it could potentially be uncomfortable.  Because I want to be holding his hand and sitting next to him and being affectionate because he's my boyfriend and my love.  But its not the case...

My insecurities are starting to come out as we talk more.  He asked why I thought his friends trumped me when he spends a lot of time with me.  Part of me wants to tell him that because he's known them longer and I know he adores his friends.  Spending time with me feels like a way to satisfy my insecurity.  I just never realized that all these things that he "did" for me are all things he took inventory of and now seem to resent me for.  

Was I that bad of a girlfriend?  Was I that inconsiderate with him?  Does he really resent me that much?

He told me that he would show me respect by not interrupting me and so forth but he seems so resentful for doing those things.  Part of me wishes he had respected me by just letting me know things that he didn't like at that time instead of holding it in and now not finding our relationship worth saving.

I truly feel that if our relationship was valuable enough, he would make an effort to work on it now that we have more information on it.  Instead, I feel like he's throwing me away with the trash.  :(

I would never do that to him.  That's why I'm still fighting...but now, he's starting to make me wonder what am I fighting for?