Dreams of him...

I woke up to remembering a night filled with dreams involving him.  Almost two distinct dreams where he played in there.

The first one for some reason I originally started with family and ended up driving nearby to go buy stuff.  When I was done, I was driving back home when something happened to my car which made me unable to drive it.  For some odd reason though, I luckily had my bike in my trunk and began to ride over to his place since I was closer to him that to him.  Apparently I was leaving my car in a dangerous neighborhood so as I was driving away, I wasn't particularly paying attention to where I left the car but I had the GPS on so hopefully I'd be able to back track my path.  When I got to where he lived, he wasn't there but his friend was.  She told me that he had left to go get my car and he'd be back soon.

I guess that dreamed ended there and I began another one or maybe it was a continuation with a different story line.

I was at my house but the old house that I grew up in.  Somehow I had an unusual roommate, more like a reformed bad guy who was trying to escape his bad past.  While we were all in the house, his "friends" came looking for him.  They busted up my back door trying to get to him and even took the lock on the door, stating that they needed it.  I argued but someone told me it would be easier for us to buy a new one that try to get it back from the gang of "bad" guys in the backyard.  It may have been him who told me that purely because in real life, he would tell me stuff like that.

Before I knew it, the doorbell rang and he and his family were at my door.  Everyone was dressed up as if they had just left a quince.  His mom and dad came up to me, his dad first and said hi in Spanish.  I greeted him, the best way that I knew and that he had taught me and his dad looked at me as he was expecting more.  I was pretty lost for words but the next thing I knew, he laughed and smiled and everything was okay.  For once, I felt like his family had somewhat accepted me but then I woke up.


It's funny because I feel like these were the type of experiences I wanted in life that were occurring in my dreams especially now.  He's always been the hero in my story, maybe even when he didn't want to be.

For once in my life I actually felt that I had found someone that loved me for me, even with my chunky monkey shell.  I loved him for so many reasons which sometimes I am not sure if I ever told him and now it's too late...

I didn't wake up sad...more reflective on how I need to be.  It seems like cutting off my hair is bringing new things to me as a lot of weight is gone now.

Part of me wants to keep seeing him in my dreams as a substitute to now getting to see him in real life but part me doesn't because I want him in real life and not my dreams.

Right now, my dreams may be the only place where I have safety and security...and escape from real life.