Is it possible.....?

so i spend a lot of time thinking because i know that i'm not my usual self in the past months, years, whatever...

i bought the new Taylor Swift cd yesterday....AMAZING! i love her!

anyways...it makes me think..because a lot of her songs address love/like...stuff like that and it makes me come to the conclusion that for me, avoiding things help me not face my true fears...i avoid guys locally and am attracted to guys far away because there's no chance....for anything to develop...

even in maple story...i dont play my main character because i dont want her to die...anymore! LOL.... i havent studied for the GRE as seriously as i should, especially since i wanna go to grad school, because i dont wanna do bad and then realize i'm a big dummy! =(

i need to face my fears...go out there...meet boys, play Ameliae, take the GRE...face my fears..head on...apply for the jobs that i dont think i'll be able to get anyways and get the interviewing experience that i need and get myself out there....

i think the main thing that i think about is relationships....i honestly wanna be in one but at the same time, i dont know how to find a person that i'll truly enjoy his company and want to be around him and get to know him and all that jazz....

i feel like i meet nice people and thats it....i really dont care about anything else...i just wanna meet someone where i wanna send silly emails to because i think he'll find it funny because he knows my humor...i wanna listen to songs and automatically think of him and giggle....i want to be able to finally meet up with him and just wanna hug him and even kiss him! (good lord that's a big deal for me!)

how to find it...where to find it...when will i find it...

only time can tell...but i know right now i'm not gonna really look for him....i'm gonna let him find me....good luck! i'm hard to find...=)