catching up...

i haven't really blogged in a while so i figure i should do some catching up! so here's the dealio...dont mind me if i start just randomly rambling..it IS my blog after all! that's what its all about! =)


so spring break was cool...i didn't do much...
Saturday-volunteer
Sunday-AIDS Walk
Mon to Wed - bummed around...well Wed nite went to B&G's club at Shadow Lounge which was TONS of fun! wish i could do it more often!!
Thurs to Sunday - was in Austin, went down 4th and 6th, saw bands, went to Hula Hut, saw the Dead City Records showcase...well at least two of the bands..got myself a DCR tshirt which i'll have to rock in Houston...it'll make me look hard core! did some texting back in forth which led to a little bit of frustration but got me a phone call on sunday afternoon....watched a lot of NCAA games..and got to watch the Holiday...which i liked a lot! sometimes i wish i could do something like that and meet someone i normally wouldnt...*sigh*


being back in houston has been good. being out of town allowed me to get away from my regular life...it was funny, when i got back, my room was totally cleaned and organized! SCARY!! the awesome part is i'm keeping it up so i wouldnt be against friends coming over and hanging out! lol =)


i did realize a couple of things...
1) i have a girl crush! lol...i'm not gonna go too much into it because i know people read this from time to time....all i need is for people (more or less guys!) to be more excited about the idea than necessary!
2) after one of my good friends talked about how she was starting to warm up to the idea of marriage, i realized that i kinda wish i had a bf...most (if not all my friends) are in some sort of relationship with a guy...i dunno if i would necessarily consider all of those relationships something i would be envious of but they do have someone in their life....its been a long time...sometimes i really miss the whole companionship aspect of things...its weird...but i'm getting all girlie and funky about it as of late and i'm not tooo happy about it! it makes me think since i'm slowly getting older...and maybe my internal clock is ticking...i dunno...i just dont wanna be an old maid...more or less!
3) austin is different for me...those people that i hold near and dear to my heart that stay up there...we've grown apart. =\ obviously since we dont really all keep in touch like that but man...sometimes i wonder! am i a good friend? i dunno....but then i remind myself that friendship is a two way street! i know i definitely try to make sure to make contract when i'm up that way...unfortunately its not as much as i would like but i do call people! i make an effort!
4. i'm scared...of what? EVERYTHING! i really am in a funk! i' ve internalized the whole quarter life crisis and now i'm living it out! i'm scared to get hurt, im scared to fail, im scared that everything that people think about me is untrue! i'm scared to let people down (even though i do it ALL the time!) i'm just plain out scared! it sucks! SUCKS i tell ya! i'm always trying to help others out that i've totally ignored myself. i'm not happy about it but i've always been like that...i need to meet someone who teaches me how to take care of myself!


okay..well i'm excited about this weekend..i've kinda got things planned!
friday - TMNT..maybe even WW
sat - back to the normal saturday afternoon at AFH!
sunday - lunch with my 'extended famille!'


cant wait!!


but honestly, if someone knows how to work out the whole scared/funk thing, leave me some info! it would be TONS of total greatness!!


oh yeah, I LOVE LOVE LOVE She Wants Revenge! they're definitely my band du jour! check 'em out!!

anticipation....

well i know its gonna happen at some point...i could be happy or very unhappy...i think if it does happen, for the worst, this song will say it all...but dont worry folks, it hasn't happened yet...i just am following my pessimistic optimistic tendencies...but SERIOUSLY though, check out The Bird and The Bee!!

I'm a Broken Heart
~The Bird and The Bee

Cry as much as I want to
Weep, I know I cant have you
I wipe my tears away, away

(I try, I try, I try, I try)

Wish, wish for the summer
Want, to pull over under
I wipe my tears away, away

I try, I try, I try, I try
I try, I try, I try, I try
I try to make the best at happiness

I'm a broken heart
I'm a broken heart
I'm a broken heart
My love is bleeding

I'm a broken heart
I'm a broken heart
I'm a broken heart
An empty feeling

I try, I try, I try, I try
I try, I try, I try, I try
I try to make do with much more of less

All, all of our moments
Have just become ailments
I'm haunted all of every day

(I try, I try, I try, I try)

Ache, aching and teething
My big love is bleeding
I think I might be dying

I try, I try, I try, I try
I try, I try, I try, I try

I try to make the best at happiness

I'm a broken heart
I'm a broken heart
I'm a broken heart
My love is bleeding

I'm a broken heart
I'm a broken heart
I'm a broken heart
An empty feeling

I try, I try, I try, I try
I try, I try, I try, I try...

I'm a broken heart
I'm a broken heart
I'm a broken heart
My love is bleeding

I'm a broken heart
I'm a broken heart
I'm a broken heart
An empty feeling

I try, I try, I try, I try
I try, I try, I try, I try...

trying new things!

sooo i went rock climbing tonight at the Texas Rock Gym...it was really fun! i really dont have any upper body strength! i did like 3 climbs and then on my 4th and 5th attempt, i couldnt make it all the way to the top. on the 5th climb, i got halfway up and i felt my arms just give out when i was trying to raise myself up! it sucked a lot but what can you do!! im gonna try to do it more often since i found it pretty fun! PLUS, its a pretty good workout soo why not right??

i went and bought The Bird and the Bee cd. i love that that's the name of the group. the sounds are pretty cool! im kinda disappointed that they're coming to houston next friday but i'll probably gonna be in austin for sxsw. if not, i'll definitely will be attempting to catch the show! the girl has a pretty voice and it's just cutesy! have you ever heard a girl say 'be my fucking boyfriend' and it sound sweet?

conversations via the computer....amazing! i dunno how i'm going to do this! if anything, its a first that i've felt this way in a while about a person. he really is amazing. i just hate how timing and location has dealt its cards...its another case of 'another time, another place!' amazingly though, if i can do something to change it, i will! he told me today that he wished i lived in liverpool...i told him that the appeal of each other wouldn't be there if that was the case...i'm sure it would make things easier though....geez..sometimes i just dont know!

a random thought....if i ever become a singer (or start a band!), i'm gonna go by bayley J!

All These Thoughts Running Through My Head

sometimes i hate how i'm a thinker! when i'm lying in bed, even if i'm just playing games of solitaire, i think. random thoughts run through my brain as i'm processing what's going on in my life.

tonight though, the thoughts are all too consuming where i HAVE to write them down! so bear with me as i try to sort out my thoughts...

call me CRAZY...maybe even KRAZY..like the kinda with the backwards Z! ever since i talked to my British crush, all i've been thinking about is the next time i get to speak with him again. it's amazing...or as he would say, it's mad!

i can't even try to begin to put my thoughts into words! it wouldn't make any sense!! all i know is that when i think about it, it makes my heart flutter, speed up, all kinds of junk! my EKG would look insane right now!! haha! when i think about our next conversation, i sit there and try to figure out how many times can i use HIS words! like i want to use 'mad' the way he does and replace 'fucking' with 'bloody' (For those of you that are slow (hehe) it would be 'bloody mad', instead of 'fucking crazy!")

i'm sitting here in the dark wishing for the impossible right now! even though i should be disappointed/sad, i'm so extremely excited! if i could, i would be on the phone just sounding like a teeneybopper talking about a celebrity! (i think he would find this totally cute but that's HIM! he claims to like my voice -- all of my valley girl glory! haha)

i don't know how i'm going to handle myself. i think i may just have to play LOTS and LOTS of DDR and go biking and stuff like that to get all this energy out of my system! because if not, i might drive myself insane waiting for wednesday!! oh i can't wait! =)

Give me Manchester!!

the world works in mysterious ways!

tonight i got to talk to my long-timed British crush! oh he's so amazing! sometimes i wish things were different so that he and i could be....it would be incredible!

it's not very often that you meet people on accident, talking about the most random of things! the night we first met, i was telling him about my supposed fix-ups by a friend (which never happened!) he told me about his love for line-dancing (which i thought was freaking hilarious and amazing!) we mutually enjoyed the late night-early morning conversation about random life happenings and nothings.

unfortunately things happened that were out of my control that changes things up a little bit. i wasn't particularly happy but that's life. some people get what they want, some don't.

tonight, after a little 'technical' difficulty (that wasted WAY TOO MUCH time!!), things worked out in my (well i guess it would be better to say our) favor!

i LOVE his accent! he had told me it was a Manchester accent a while ago and explained that it was similar to the Gallagher bros of Oasis! i'd heard him before but damn, he wasn't kidding!! i could listen to it FOREVER!! =)

i'm hoping to talk to him more. i don't know what to think of it, if anything. a girl can hope right?

whatever happens happens....but deep down inside, i'm hoping it'll work out for me!

M. Angleterre, Je t'aime beaucoup! =)

AIDS WALK

just wanted to let everyone know that I'll be walking in the AIDS Walk 2007 on Sunday, March 11! if you didn't know, I've been volunteering there since May, more actively since December. it's definitely a good cause and I definitely enjoy it!

if you would like to support me in my walk, make a donation at my personal page. any amount will work, even if it's only a couple of dollars! just to know that my friends are supporting me is awesome! thanks! =)

if being more involved is your thing, join the walk! there's no fee to walk, just sign up, join my team (I'm walking under my friend's soon-to-be nonprofit organization in memory of her friend who fell to AIDS.)