NO MORE DRAMA...

So today, FINALLY, i've come to the conclusion that i'm gonna finally attempt (to regain) a DRAMA-FREE life!!

i had been coasting for a while, drama-free, until i decided to create mild drama for myself. it's always self-created and self-inflicted purely to make my life LESS boring! weird huh?

i'm giving it all up today. as of late, my drama has been purely based around guys. NO MORE! here are the ways i will accomplish this:

1. no more worrying about the Gman! even if i like him, it doesn't matter! things will happen if they're suppose to happen! if they don't, well, it wasn't meant to be! big whoopty doo! a friend is better than nothing!
2. no more making 'connections!' i'm tired of it! im gonna stick to the superficial! everytime i make a connection and i dont pull out as the winner, it makes me sad. not mildly or moderately sad....it makes me VERY sad! it reminds me (for some self-depreciating reason that i'm alone!)
3. just let things be! dont MAKE things happen....if they'ree gonna happen, it'll happen. i control my fate, yes, but i'm not gonna speed it up! i will not be the catalyst! not anymore!
4. take it easy. hakuna matata! no worries!! i'm gonna be freeee!

So will it last?? who knows! it's like a new year's resolution...it's not gonna last long but i can sure damn hope it will!!

so i like him...

so its been a while since i've blogged but i really need to do it...i'm starting to need an outlet of expression again! friends are great but i dont think any of them really have time to hear all this stuff...everyone has their own shit to worry about right now!

soooo i hang out with the Gman a lot! sometimes i'll see him up to 3 times a week...sometimes its just the weekends but its fun nonetheless! we went to the UH/Tulsa game yesterday...i've never been to a college homecoming (apparently neither UT or A&M have them!) but it was interesting! PLUS i've never been to a NON-UT game so it was interesting being a smaller school game! i actually had fun...he had fun too. it was cute...he showed me around campus and stuff since he's an alum and all and i learned soo much more about him...didnt realize he was a nutritian major so he's a RD (registered dietician?) amazing how i can learn soo much when i ASK questions! (i'm a loser for not!) well the game was fun hanging out time..i got to hang out with Mary too and we chitchatted and had fun! i really do enjoy having a variety of friends...its different! even though we're a weird combination (she's like the conservative Christian and i'm like the liberal hippie...kinda), its fun hanging out! PLUS it was fun being the Aggie and the Longhorn at the Cougar game! lol

i like hanging out with him and the more time i spend with him the more RETARDED i become! i dont get it! i wish it was just a lot simplier! i mean, shoot, it would be nice if we had just gotten use to the whole hugging thing when we say goodbye but no! so now i'm retarded! i enjoy spending time with him...i feel super comfortable with him...im trying to be open about real stuff without coming out with too much!

its sooo difficult! i'm at a totally different discomfort/comfort level! i know i should just go with the flow but i have a feeling that will leave me NOWHERE but i dont have the guts to say anythign to him. for the first time in YEARS (and i mean YEARS!) i actually have feelings for someone and have NO idea what to do! i hate it!

im gonna pretend to clean...maybe that'll make me feel better!

wish me luck with the Gman....i figure at some point, i'll crack or i'll give in and will hang out with him less.....maybe that'll help ...who knows!