another REFLECTIVE moment. . .

before I reflect, I have to just write about the cutest thing that Tabitha does. in her (almost) 14 months of life, she has always seen adults give her part of their food by biting a little piece and feeding it to her. now, since she's older, she reciprocates the act by sharing her food in the same exact way its shared to her. lemme tell you, its the funniest thing when a 14 month year old, bites part of her chip, fishes it out of her mouth and hands it to ya. gotta love her!! =)

so I guess I'm going through a "loner" phase. . .well kinda sorta. I've actually been keeping up with random people via their personal journal/blog/xanga and its interesting what people write. I'm going to follow the pattern of what D wrote on his. it got me thinking. . .

*REFLECTION BEGINS*
I've been "in love" once, and ONLY once in my life. it was the only time where I felt butterflies when we talked and spent time together, where my heart raced and all I wanted to do was be in the presence of this guy. oddly enough, it was the happiest and saddest time of my life. it was funny how things started though. I honestly don't say much about it because 5-6 years ago, how we met was sorta unconventional (online). shoot, we BOTH avoided discussion on that topic. (well I guess I was a little liberal on the discussion with close friends. new people at met in school I was careful with.)
I remember living in the condo and being somewhat lonely my freshmen year since all my good friends were living in the dorms. I didnt live far away but I still wasn't down the hall either. I would constantly chat to keep myself busy. I had just gotten a cell phone and realized that with free long distance, I could make friends EVERYWHERE! LOL (naive kid!) I started talking to John from LA and randomly told him one night "here's my cell, call me sometime!" never expecting him to call (which he didnt.) I'd always try to catch him when he was online, basically because our conversations were soo much fun!! heck, to me the internet was just making the big big world a lot smaller.
winter break came around and I was back in Houston spending the holidays with my family. I was in the kitchen with Mom and I remembering someone tellling me my phone was ringing! by the time, I got to it, I had missed the call. I didn't recognize the number so I called back. this was the beginning of it all.
I called back. I had NO idea who he was at first. it took a little bit of time before I figured out it was John from BR. we talked about the most random shiet that night: to be exact, Deuce Bigalow, Male Giggalo. We didn't understand each other: he had what I thought was a "ghetto" accent (maybe that was somewhat Cajun?) and I talked too fast for him. somehow, neither of us knew what was to come from this initial phone conversation.
we got to know each other over the spring semester. we talked all the time, on dialpad (the most wonderful thing in the world when you're poor and can't pay overage on your cell!) and like the gullible romantic blah blah blah that I am, I developed feelings for him. I think I just grew on him (not as special huh?). anyways. . .I was pretty surprised/shocked/scared by how quickly I invested emotions into some guy I had never met before!! it was even a LONG time before I even saw a picture of him!! (I remember making my roommate Janna look and tell me what she thought of him since she wasn't bias- all based on the fact that she was white. lol) regardless, I had developed a relationship with him that I had never felt like I had before. Amazing. . .
a year passed with us corresponding via phone/email/IM before he finally came to Houston to visit me. it was great. . .it became the beginning of something. . .and that was it. . .another year later, I saw the end of it. . .and essentially the end of a really dear friendship. till this day, it makes me sad that we don't keep in touch. it breaks my heart actually but what can you do? you cant make a person do something.
I miss that feeling I had with him. I wish I could just be that close emotionally with someone again. it's been a long time. . .a very long time. sometimes I wonder if I'm ready to be close (and/or willing) to be close to someone like that again. I'll never know if I don't try.

****currently 1am***
thanks Huy for the conversation. you're too awesome. . .thats why I gotta love ya!! =)