ONE LAST CRY
okay. . so i've been lying to myself that im okay. im sure im a little over the top emotional because my hormones are out of wack but dang. . i havent been like this in a while! (but its good to know that i've moved on from crying about one guy to another guy! damn all these lack of closure senarios!)

its been well over a year and still i sit here wondering. . .

WHAT WAS THAT FUCKER THINKING??

sometimes i think it would have been only fair if i knew, right? i mean, both of us were involved! tell me if everything meant NOTHING. shiet, it would make my life easier. if you wanted me to stay, fucking get the balls and courage to say "Jane, stay for me!" good golly we all know i would have! (well maybe. . .) it just makes me sad that as we finally became closer and maybe just better friends, the moment you knew i was leaving, that was IT. FINE! EL FINITO! THE END! there was no "c-ya later, nice knowing ya, good luck with the rest of your life!" it was just . . . .just that.

i'll never understand you. i really did think there was progress at a time but now i just think i wasted my time, my energy and still today some tears. its stupid, i know, because you'll never see this or read this or know this. maybe its all the better. it was never meant to be. maybe i was too good for you or you for me. (im thinking the first one) but honestly, i thought i brought out the best in you and you made me push myself so i could finally see the best in me. for that, i say "thank you." you have no idea how greatful i am for that.

to my friends, please dont worry about me. im just going through "a moment of regression." sometimes you need to "re-evaulate" yourself for just one second. yourself, your life, your experiences, everything. its just part of personal growth. (i'll be listening to empowering women songs to make myself feel better!) but for the time being, i'll be a mopey poo head.

maybe sometimes, you just need one good last cry. . .