little things make it worth it!
ironically, the last 2 days have been nice at work when i've had little organized lesson planning. its pretty funny!! lets start with yesterday. . .

kids tell you the darndest things!!
***one of the girls in my classes told me she wanted to ask me something since i was a science teacher. apparently she has a friend who was having some problems with his part! EEK! she started to tell me his problem and it sounded like he had been abusing it (AKA too much sex) leading to two possibilities since the big general symptom was buring sensation during urination: STD (double EEK) and the possibility of irritation because of a "cut." i dont ask how or why he has one on IT! it sounded even worse when she told me that he said it looked like he had "pimples" on it. i gave her information to give her friend. . told her to tell him about planned parenthood in case he doesnt have money to go to a clinic to get that checked out! just ICKY!! SERIOUSLY!!
***5th period was quiet. . .when we first started the activity, they were SILENT! like i could hear the walls moving. it kinda scared me! i kinda wanted to walk around making funny peeping sounds just to kill the silence. not to worry, it didnt last the whole period. go figure!!
***"miss its because my parents didnt motivate me!" i called one of my students parents today to talk to them about him. i love this kid! he is just amazingly smart but unmotivated to do his best! his mom and i decided it was because he wanted to be normal. dont we all? so much to give up just to fit in!! ARGH! hopefully he'll work harder for next year!! he's soo smart and he needs to do well!! at least thats my opinion!!
***poetry night. . .was FUN tonight! saw and heard a lot of my kids read poems. it was an interesting thing! one of my kids who apparently is shy was reading up a storm!! insanity!!
***my COSMO kids are going to be doing a pond beautification project! im super excited! we're going to end up getting down and dirty next week trying to clean out that sucker!
***GANG KIDS ARE STUPID!! like Pam, im sick and tired of their crap too! just to reiterate, 4 fights in 2 days!! was writing up tardy sweeps and some kid was throwing gang signs RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! TERD!! in addition, there's that whole gang throw down tentatively happening next thurs on cinco de mayo. i dont think i will be attending work on thursday! im not gonna DIE because some of the kids at my school are retarded. i dunno if i could handle this kinda environment if it keeps gettin worse!!

ME, ME, ME!!
***i've done a lot of talking to friends about my thoughts on what's going on my life. i think i'm just going to lay off for a while. to be honest, however much i may like a boy, im just gonna sit back and see if i still have that same feeling over time. i mean, if i still have that liking feeling, well that means i really do like the guy. . .if i care less than no problem at all! im just going through a phase. not too bad. .
***i've been super tired AND super LAZY when it comes to work! i have so many little things to do that i keep forgetting to do cuz im a lazy procrastinating person! i gotta be careful before i dont get paid for this UT study. need to email them tomorrow and ask them if they can fax me the paperwork so i can just fill it out and fax it back! the only way i'll do it!! cmon, i'll be out like $400 i think! thats a LOT of money!!
***thank goodness its friday!! only 4 more week of classes left!! awesome! i think the countdown is now 19 days of school!! wahhoooo!! i will miss a lot of my kids. . but i wont tell them that yet. why would i want to let them think that i actually might like them?? pshhhh!!
***oh yeah, i found the song (thru my bro) that i heard while i was in Grenoble last year. its called "Dragostea Din Tei" by O-zone. apprarently the song is originally romanian! its just sooo catchy i love it!! toooo much fun!! okay well time to brush, floss and pass out. . .

i think im kinda in a happy place right now. . yeah!! =)

with time (and less thought), things get better. . .
i was a pretty mopey unhappy person today at work, esp after what i put myself through last night. it really makes a girl think when you sit back and reflect on your past "relationships." i'll be honest with my online public, i think only the last two were actual relationships, something worth learning from. i might have learned something about myself and people in general from each person but the whole relationship thing didnt kick in until the last two. its funny because despite my lack of experience, i feel wise in this area. i could sit there and give relationship advice for hours and honestly believe that i am truly right. i use to think i was Carrie! =) (i still kinda thing i am! hehe)

this weekend, i think i reverted back to my former over-reflective self. i had too much time to think and self-depreciate! thats NEVER good! its funny because i think when i meet people, they provide me challenges. for instead DG, OMG, he is just a big challenge in and of himself. every new person in my life is just another something, experience in friendship and relationships.

i think i just need to know what he thinks. . .i'm never going to ask, its just not me. i wish it was. it would make my life much easier but apparently i like it hard like that! *sigh*

i wanted to thank Huy tonight. he was awesome in talking me through some stuff (its actually 1:03am right now) he always helps me realize soo much! you're just awesome and i LOVE you for that!! thanks for helping me see soo much!!

below is apparently my seduction style. . .sounds accurate huh? hehehe =D try it yourself!!

Your Seduction Style: The Natural

You don't really try to seduce people... it just seems to happen. Fun loving and free spirited, you bring out the inner child in people. You are spontaneous, sincere, and unpretentious - a hard combo to find! People drop their guard around you, and find themselves falling fast.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

currently riding on the emotional rollercoaster of life
good news first. . .ROCKETS WIN!! they beat Dallas at the last minute by 2 pts, thanks to TMac! twas an AWESOME shot!! final score 113-111. i love playoffs!! i cant wait to watch more of it!!

monday was SUPER UNproductive. i did jacksquat! spend most of the morning at the doctor for my niece. . she's definitely a screamer!! ended up passing out downstairs after watching her and basically did nothing else! i was suppose to grade but apparently that did NOT happen. i think im going to seriously have to take all my papers tomorrow with me to grade. no more BSing around. i have to be serious!

i called Alfredo tonight to seek some answers. its been a while since ive talked to him and stuff so it was just good in general to chitchat. i came to the realization that i AM normal! sad isnt it? my expectations of guys arent overally abnormal or anything therefore i'm not just some overcomplicated bitch. i honestly dont care what people think anymore. its weird but i've never cared what people thought about certain things and at other times, their opinions have meant the world to me. i've come to the conclusion that i AM great and awesome (and i have no idea how many times i've going to have to tell myself that before i believe it!)

its funny because within the last 24hrs i have totally flashbacked on every relationship i've ever had. it sometimes just makes me what to cry how sad things have been for me. lets start at the beginning. . .
*DL: first boy ever. . .first kiss. i didnt know jack shiet. that was good for me, bad for him. to have seen him the other day was INSANE! but yeah, whatever. middle school is amazing sometimes. . .
*LP: totally opened me to another world. the beginning of the corruption. actually i think its because of him that i became so scared of so many things. a girl can only cry so much at the age of 13 thinking that everything sucks for so long. he introduced me to a world of stuff that i was way too innocent to know about. i'm amazed that more didnt happen. he was a horny little bastard!
*AT: amazing to me but i wasnt the same for him. sometimes i wonder how things would have been if my teenage heart had been in it. it could have been amazing. the first time i ever got a meaningful gift from a boy. . my 16th bday. he's still an amazing guy. . i just wish he had better luck with girls. i definitely learned soo much from that one. . .
*SP: good lord! sometimes i think this was an experiment in who knows what. things were good when they were good but they were BAD when they were bad. lets just say that this was something that was DRAGGED all the way into college. . longer than it should have been. becuase of him though, i didnt rebound DANGEROUSLY during the post-Giang times.
*GB: apparently the love of my life when i was in college. he was the one that i saw everything with. even to this day, it makes me sad that we're not friends. i can try EVERYTHING to reconnect but this one is surely lost forever. i shared so much with him that sometimes i wonder what the hell was i thinking?? it was doomed when we first met. . .damn me for having faith in love. thats probably one of the best/worst qualities about me. . believing. he was someone i gave my world to but he never completely gave me or made me part of his world. after two years, i thought we could have had so much together, but it just never came to happen. . .i should have known. another lesson learned. .
*DA: oh geez. . .was never heartbroken by this one, thank god! just really confused. . .sometimes i really wonder what he thinks/thought when it came to me. for me, maybe it was just foolish liking him. haha the first time i go older and i pick a weird one. at times, i thought i met him at the wrong time. . .which could have been true. after a while, i just thought maybe he was ready for anything. sometimes, with him, i wish we were just friends. . .sometimes thats the best thing in the whole wide world. . .

i think after reminiscing, i think i've come to the conclusion that maybe this isnt for me. guys are TOO complicated for me and i've never had much luck. its funny because honestly i dont NEED a guy in my life for me to be complete. but i've always felt, since i was young (and oddly enough, i shared this with Maria last night and Alfredo tonight), i have family and friends that love me conditionally. what would complete me is to find someone (a guy. .ehh) that would love me the same way because i know i would love him that way too. the romantic inside. . .slowly being squashed by the lack of success. there was a reason why i made the life roadmap for until i was 32. i wouldnt have any time to think about guys, relationships, basically love. i've felt that when it came to matters of the heart, God, someone UP there has gone and said "screw you Jane!" and he/she is still doing that to me today! im not asking for love at first sight but dammit, i'm asking for at least recognition that you dont have to work with me or be stuck with me to realize that i am an enjoyable person to be around.

i've tried my hardest to make the world around me a better place. i always try my damnest to make sure all my friends are happy, smiling, laughing. tell me, someone, ANYONE, when will it be my turn?

on that night, i go to bed. . .good night world. . . in the end, i will be okay.

Random Sunday Happenings. . .
so lets go through the randomness of my sunday. . .
*had gone to the Lounge last night which was fun, went to Onion Creek Cafe for food (yummy french bread pizza!!) and eventually drove home.
*woke up at a reasonable hour (about 10ish) and eventually went with Pam to go SHOPPING!! got some shirts at old navy which was great. the rest of the day i was very disciplined and did not shop like the crazy women that i could have been.
*i randomly had conversation on westheimer (more interesting than it sounds) which lead to my mood swings for the day (lot of being POed than anything!).
*talked to Will (the tree) and he apologized for the night he didnt meet me up. . we might hang out sometime next week which should be cool.
*had a late lunch with Pam at TC which kept us full so we didnt bbq as planned but bought the food anyways for TK.
*didnt go camping which makes me sad but we can always go another weekend since we have a tent now! yeah!!!
*watched Hotel Rwanda at TK's which kept Pam and i on an emotional rollercoaster, crying one moment, then stopping and crying the next! it was EMOTIONALLY DRAINING!!!
*met up with Huy to give him the shirt i got him for Christmas and then *DUM DUM DUM* saw Duy from middle school. turns out he's friend with huy! INSANITY!!
*met up with Maria for some coffee to talk things out. .
-things Maria said that might be of some importance later
*10:13pm "I am weird."
*10:40pm "I'm a control freak"
just in case she ever denies any of the above, it has been DOCUMENTED!! =)
*came home and showered and now here i am. . .

dude. . im tired. i've had an emotional rollercoaster all day and im starting to have strong disliking feelings towards guys again. honestly, i dont care. i just wish guys could be straight forwards. if you wanna be friends, lets be friends, if you dont wanna hang out, tell me that shiet!! i dont wanna waste your time or my time!

i think, actually i KNOW(!!) im a fun person to hang out with but you dont get to know that until you get to know me. . .take the time to do it first!

almost noon
and still not a soul awake!! (i think!) im soooooooo bored that i might actually CLEAN!! (what tha SHIET is that??) i guess its something good and productive to do. geez! but at least for some reason, im feeling pretty today. . . i dunno whats going on but its a nice feeling!! i need to find more girl songs! what i need to be doing is looking for my Katy Rose cd! hmmmmm where are you??

Friday Margaritas. . .
equal Friday night snoooze fest!! I should have know this from my last semester at UT. On Fridays, after student teaching, sometimes Jill and i would go get margaritas at some random mexican/tex-mex lo-cal. By the time i was done drinking, i would always be slightly buzzed and would eventually go home and CRASH on my futon till the wee hours of the morning (basically when all the people going out were coming home!) we were planning to go to Wild West but that didnt happen since Pam and i were completely POOPED!! thats okay. there's always another weekend for random country dancing!!

sooo what we did do before we got home was buy a tent!! WAHOOO!! the excitement in doing that is totally uncontainable!! we got this huge 3 room tent that can hold up to 8 people! it'll be fun for random camping trips that we're going to have to take now since we have the tent!! we're planning to go tonight on the beach. Todd's been following the weather and says its going to be FREEZING (like in the 40s) tonight but i dont care! its the idea of just being able to hang out with the homies! LOL so i'm super excited!! YEAH!!! CAMPING!! the random thing is i havent gone camping since i was like 12!! this will be only my 2nd time camping. hahaha we're going to have a hard time putting up the tent but i think thats half of the fun!! i cant wait!!

well i've been having weird and random dreams but apparently right now i cant recall what i was dreaming about. . . PLUS im not sure if i would actually want to put that on here for EVERYONE to read. my dreams have been rather random lately! hmmmmm makes ya think!!

yesterday Pam was telling me that after movie night at her place, Jeremy thinks that the three of us (including Maria) are (amazingly) NOT obsessed with the phallic object but just extremely horny. LOL boy does he know!! hahaha. . i just think its funny! i guess we should keep those conversations JUST between the girls! it would make sense so that they dont go around making those kind of . . .um. . .CONCLUSIONS!! that would be bad!!

okay welllll i need to get to cleaning. . i think i've given up on the inevitable for right now. Huy was right. i should just chill for the weekend. thats' exactly what im going to do since i have an extra day to do it this weekend! (boy do i LOVE 3 day weekends!!)

later. . .

lean, mean, baking machine!
Lean - its a work in progress. what i need to do is be super motivated like Pam. if anything, seeing her see the effects of her working out should push me to want the same. apparently my lazy ass takes a little longer to kick into gear. hopefully it'll kick in SOONER than later!!

Mean - the kids at work are pissing me off from time to time where i just dont care to be nice! its the end of the year for gosh sakes!! lets just keep calm and make an easy transition into summer!!

baking machine - dude!!!! i baked two boxes worth of cookies. its actually not that much since i baked BIG cookies for my secret pal. they are DELICIOUS!! i hope she likes em!! oh yeah, im still willing to bake more *hint hint* just say the secret word and the cookies are yours!!!

its late again. . . ideas of permanant-ness are still bouncing in my head. pain makes it less appealing but its still there in my head. . .

oh yeah, just had to put this down, the new Pope has email!! so if you feel like saying "waddup pope," i say DO IT!! so here it is, to email Pope Benedict XVI, write to benedictxvi@vatican.va . . .this is for the ENGLISH speaking public! (which is my audience!!) enjoy that one guys!!

in other news, apparently over the counter and prescription drug use has gone up. .(like DUH!) they're calling the kids nowadays, Generation Rx. hahaha. what is one to do with the world today. . .i dunno. ..i dunnoo...

and in other related news that will be beneficial for class, the House just passed a new energy bill that allows for drilling in the Artic. . .a big NO NO in my opinion. those dang Republicans and their need for oil!! i swear!! honestly, we need to think about renewable resources. . somethign to consider!! i think thats a project in the making!!

late night with the homies
so the night before the TAKS proctering (meaning a LONG boring day at work), we decide to do movie night over at Pam's. it was definitely fun! random conversations about porn, masturbation and ass smacking, the necessities of life!! LOL it was a good time. sitting around watching Tommy Boy (which i dont think i have ever seen before) and eating good ole Papa John's pizza! (i love me some of that garlic instant artery clogger!!) i'm going to be in major need of working out tomorrow!! BIG TIME!!

afterwards met up with my long time friend Shawna. its always amazing how you can hang out with people that you havent seen in a while and just chitchat like it was yesterday (hi Shawna!! i know you MIGHT be reading!!) dont worry and be unhappy, mopey (sp?). as cliched as it is, always look to the greener side!! (unless you dont see green cuz then i cant help ya!!=x)

i got home at about midnite since i had to get gas and make a walmart run for my sister. DANG am i tired!! considering that i have to wake up at the crack of dawn to pick up donuts and OJ for advisory tomorrow, i should be well asleep!! i guess i have some things on my mind. . .i use to have too much time on my hand and now that i've got my mind preoccupied, i want to replace it with something else! i think im going to have to do research for what im doing for summer, grad school plans and ect. i gotta REplan the next 10 years of my life!! apparently i'm already off track!!! okie well its wayyy late and im starting to feel like im waiting up for nothing. . yes that's right NOTHING!! i guess if i get bored during my off periods, i'll start blogging then!! just a reminder for myself, i need to figure out a way to get it so Gypsy can leave her name on my blog!! yeah!! nite nite

stream of conscienceness
GO!!
*I'm sore from running yesterday. I think it might have been the stretching and lunges! thats FREAKING awesome!! i did crunches at home and i can still feel them. i did more tonight. im going to love working out like Pam does. . .
*I'm a pseudo workaholic. if i stayed at school, i'd probably work all night, or at least until i pass out. . .
*having no TV has been interesting for me. . gives me more time to do nothing. .
*baked the cake mix cookies tonight. came out AWESOMELY YUMMY! yeah me!!
*i cant wait to go tent shopping! this camping thing probably will happen this weekend! im really super excited!! it'll be fun!!
*i think pulling back my bangs is a good look for me. . .it makes me look young but damn cute!
*so im really thinking about permanantly marking myself. its still kinda a toss up because i dunno. . but at least i have a design down. thats always a first step! i think im going to find a fairly permanant marker and do it first to see how i like it. . .thats if i can find one of those! the only time i saw it was in france!!
*im tired. long class periods because of TAKS are tiring! the kids drive me nuts!!
*i think i overcomplicated and overthink things. . its more like a I KNOW! i need to calm myself down and take everything one step at a time. maybe its because of something else that i dont feel like disclosing at the moment. watever it is, i need to figure it out QUICK!!
*tomorrow's wednesday already! YES!! the days are going by quicker. . only 27 more days of school left!! wahoooooooo!

It's good to know I'm a GIRL!!

Your Brain is 86.67% Female, 13.33% Male

You have the brain of a girly girl Which isn't a bad thing at all You're emphatetic, caring, and in tune with emotions. You're a good friend and give great advice.

What Gender Is Your Brain?

YEAH!!

a smart man once told me. . .
. . that i should just text message the boy and tell him "i like you but im too scared to tell ya" i really should do that. i just feel like i would be acting really immature. maybe its cute. shoot i would find it cute if a boy did that. its probably the most honest thing someone could do.

i reallY do enjoy my conversations with Huy. they're really introspective. i figure out a lot of things. he really is like a guy best friend. i love it! well its late and im gonna try to get Tabitha to sleep tonight. she doesnt wanna leave my side but at least she's not beating on my laptop like she normally does! yeah! she's maturing!! nite nite world!

some random feminist's quote
i was reading this article "the 10 women that give love a bad name." just wanted to share one of them. Andrea Dworkin is apparently a famous radical feminist. She is quoted saying "romance is rape embellished with meaningful looks." DANGGGGGGGG!! thats some heavy stuff!! never thought of it like that!! apparently she doesnt like it. . .haha

a constant EMOTIONAL rollercoaster
so Spring Fest was AWESOME! i had tons of fun! COSMO made close to NOTHING but the whole process of being out there was what matter the most!! Pam and i totally burned Tily and his student in the three-legged race! it was totally AWESOME!! it was funny because we got a bye in quarters (i never knew that could happen) and when we got to semi's, our ribbon popped and i screamed "SHIIIIIIIT!!" in front of TONS of kids! talk about professionalism!! LOL i totally LACK it!

so i was the biggest dork yesterday when i got a phone call. hahaha dude! im a loser! my kids probably have never seen a teacher so excited for such a little thing. i guess it makes me "normal." it shows them that i AM just another person, girl, ect. you would have thought i had won the lottery and was about to split it with my friends! LOL. .you would have thought that with all the hi5ing going on! lets say it with me now. . .JANE IS A DORK!!! (and damn proud of it!)

so went home, took a nap (well deserved one!), went to the mall and walmart and came back realizing that it was like 20 mins till 8 and poker night was to begin at 8! had to shower because i felt ICKY and nasty! i hate running late! esp if its just not me!!

Poker night was FUN!! there were TONS of people there!! we played $5 table. . so the pot was like $40, the most we've had in FOREVER!! i'd like to think it was awesome that i was the last girl standing. . .i was the only girl when we were down to four! i was still in the game and we were playing REAL hold'em! to be honest, i think i might have been better if i hadnt drank so much, so quickly! it was insane! but it was a nice buzz that i hadnt had in a while! it was kinda random but somehow at some point when NO ONE seem to wanna play more poker, the options of going to see Amityville Horror and going out came up. honestly, i wanted to see the movie, which would have kept me on edge for YEARS! i thought we were pretty serious about it since everyone was looking up times and stuff! instead we ended up just going to sherlock's which was fun! i just LOVE hanging out, and of course, there was MORE drinking! all this drinking led to late night feasting amongst the party animals, Pam and myself included! =) before i knew it, it was SUPER late. got home at like 4ish i think? not sure, im just glad that i made it home! it was fun though. . i need more nights like that!!

i really wanna go to austin next weekend. somewhere.. . anywhere! i just wanna have fun since its going to be a 3 day weekend! i cant wait!! =)

Good Morning Sunshine!
it is before 8am and i am up!! today is Spring Fest at school and lucky me! i get to be there to join in the festivities!! it looks like a BEAUTIFUL day outside so i'm excited. . .

to be honest, im still feeling craptacular from yesterday. sorry but hormones and XYs can do that. i hate having 180 "mood swings." i think the good thing is that its an internalization. im not necessarily crappy towards other people! cuz honestly, its not any of their faults!! that would be unfair to be mean to them!! what did everyone else do to deserve me being rude to them?

so i've been listening to music all night. . .like ALL NIGHT!! and here's the thing, i wanna meet someone who can do what Adam says in "She Will Be Loved."

She Will Be Loved
Maroon5

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

it's official!

i think i've given up!! i need to believe in myself more but dangit! its hard to think you're so awesome (which i kinda still believe) when people just dont ever see it like that (i know you do Pam so thanks!) i just need to start getting boys to realize that. heck if John and/or Doug had realized that in the long haul, life would have been a little bit spiffier! one thing for sure is life isnt over! i'm not that big of a drama princess!!

like Liz Phair says "i am extraordinary, IF YOU EVER GET TO KNOW ME! i am extraordinary, i am just your ordinary, average everday sane psycho supergoddess!"

HMPH!! THERE!!

DUDE, i'm le TIRED!!
so its another friday. . .and i'm POOPED!! im actually really tired right now, like i could take a nap tired but someone's gotta watch the baby. since i'm tooo lazy to help with other things right now, i get to be on baby duty. tabitha's been suck so she's a littl eon the whiney side. its okay. i guess she's allowed that since she's a baby. .

tomorrow is spring fest!! i'm pretty excited sine i'm super tired right that i cant keep my eyes open typing!! eek!

im a CHICKEN. . .un poulet!!! i need to get guts so i can just be "let's hang out!!" that would be awesome!! i'll write more later!!

Procrastination SUCKS!
man. . .putting off grading soo many papers sucks!! i had no idea how much work i really had to do until i sat my ass down and started doing it! one thing that i'm grateful for is having awesome students that are willing to help me with stuff! its awesome! i love it!! so im trying to finish up grading things so i can pass it all back to the kids so that have stuff to study with for their test on monday/tuesday. im kinda excited because im hoping that they've actually learned something! my grading was actually a little difficult and everything!! it really is amazing sometimes!!

spring fest is this saturday from 10-3. COSMO is going to do a booth for marbleizing paper. im kinda excited because this will be my first big thing without Jamia that i'm totally in charge of and doing by myself. its insane! i've never seen myself as being the head honcho before so im amazed that i'm as calm as i am!!!! it'll be fun though! im thinking maybe i should make shirts for the girls that are helping me out. that would be cool huh? something to think about!! =)

i really think that when you meet nice guys, as nice girls, you have a tendency to want them to hang around because they restore your faith in the opposite sex. i think with my past experiences, ive been anti-XY for periods of time. its nice to meet a person that's actually polite, considerate, ect. Mom made fun of me once sayin that i'm so use to bad guys that when i meet a nice one, i dont appreciate it. i think she was right except that now that im older, im starting to appreciate it more and more every day. it is a nice change of pace. i like it. Pam and i are on the same page here. we are like one mind when it comes to this topic!!

i know this is kinda depressing but i wanted to be able to put my thoughts down for the future. Pam hasnt been feeling too hot lately and i really think that sucks! for one, i really hope her Paw Paw gets better. we were talking about it this morning and it made me think about my grandpa. he passed away 5 years ago this June. its crazy to think its almost been that long!! the weird thing is despite him having a stroke when i was 10ish, being partially paralyzed since that time, being back and forth health-wise with a slow decline in his older years, i NEVER thought i would spend an adult day without him. when he passed away 2-3 weeks after i got back from my 1st year in Austin, i was devestated. he was the first and only loved one that i had ever lost. its funny but even now, after so long, when i think about it, it makes me tear up. he's one man that i definitely miss so much despite the fact that i dont remember what the last thing he said to me was (especially since he really wasnt able to talk in his last month of life.) i really do envy those people who still have grandparents. (i'm such a weenie for crying right now) Tabitha is really lucky that she has Mom and Dad right now who are gonna love her to death!! i miss my grandpa. he was the best, still is. sometimes you dont realize how much you miss a person until you really think about it. no matter what, i know he's watching over me somewhere. an amazing man who led an amazing life. . .

guts and glory!
so i finally got the guts to call today. . .thank gosh i did or i would have stressed out FOREVER!! no guts, no glory!! im happy now. =)

im talking to Ethan right now. he's this cool awesome guy in Virginia, now in Roanoke. he's the one that introduced me to Invader Zimm! such an awesome guy!! its amazing the random NICE people you can meet online!!

so i've been reading craigslist a lot since i find it entertainig at times and i saw this on the Austin m4f. it reminded me of Doug. i'm almost tempted to email and ask "if you're a Trini working at Dell who went to GT, i know who you are!!" lol check it out ladies and gents!!

nerdy engineer looking - 27
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Reply to:
Date: 2005-04-11, 12:36AM CDT

I am a 27 year old, 6'1", relatively fit, engineer. I have not had many relationships so I don't know how to appeal to women. I am actually somewhat in awe of them. I am trying to find someone I can match with, but match.com has so far been getting me dates only and no relationships. So I was wondering if there are any matches for me at craigslist. Otherwise, I'll have to start looking at extra-terrestial life now.

I read lots of spy and mystery novels, watch all movies except for romantic ones, play tennis and often go sky diving. I have a guitar. I volunteer as a dog trainer at the town lake animal shelter. I am an idiot, most of the time.

this is in or around N. Austin


funny stuff!!!

i might be hanging out with Shawna on thursday. .KARAOKE BABY!! it'll be tons of fun! if anything, Shawna is the the O.W.G. (original white girl) =) i'm excited!!

and everyone. . .please pray (or do the thing you do) for Pam's Paw Paw. keep him in your thoughts!

nite nite all good people!!

untitled
so another weekend comes to an end. nothing special, nothing big. i think if anything this weekend has taught me to not care about what others thing about me. i just need to worry about how i feel about myself and gosh darnit, i like me!!

why wouldn't i? i think im adorable!! =) i'm fun to be around and normally i try to make the best of things. im freakin hilarious once you get me going! dude, sometimes i think i have a whole standup routine done but i just dont know how to get it out or when it'll happen! im versatile! if you get me going, i can party like it was my 21st bday, dance all night and have fun or be calm and just chill, sit back and watch movies all day. i'm down for games, poker, biking, watching sports, just about everything!! i've learned to love being in nature. dont get me wrong, im not exactly "earth girl" but i like being outdoors. some like it hot, some like it cold. i just have a preference towards hot since thats what i'm use to! most importantly, i think i know how to love unconditionally. i think i'm a born nuturer. i love to take care of people! but dont get me wrong, i LOVE to be taken care of too! outside of my parents, its never really happened elsewhere. i truly care about people and i do everything because of that.

things to consider about me: im shy. . .yes, you're probably laughing if you know me since sometimes you wonder what on earth you have to do to shut me up!! its possible for me to be shy. its because of the shyness that i overcompensate with the need to be chatty. i cant stand silence because it makes me self-conscience. i do care about what people think but am slowly trying to get away from that. its just that i like to make people happy. it makes me happy. its just now, i WANT to be happy. there was a "once upon a time" where i thought i was happy. too bad that was like over FIVE years ago!! *sigh* but im happy where i am. i just need to keep thinking "i'm FREAKIN' awesome!!"

Extraordinary - Liz Phair. . .what keeps me trucking!!

freaky small films!!
so i decided to watch a movie tonight and FINALLY watched "dirty pretty things" or is it "pretty dirty things." well anyways, it stars Audrey Tautou and some other foreign actors. it was quite interesting to say the least. its about the lifestyles of immigrants in london and the hardships they go through to make it. its kinda graphic at times but it made me really thing. . immigration lawyer? who knew organ harvesting was actually popular outside of countries like china?? it was really bothering me TONS.

originally my night was suppose to be filled with "pieces of april," starring katie holmes. i had only seen half of it so i was hoping to watch the whole movie this time but it didnt happen. maybe another night.

i'm just hoping right now that i can fall asleep without worries of nightmares! i've got tons of grading to look forward to. .. yeah!!

a good way to end my saturday!
so after the crazy festivities were over at home, Mom, Annie, Tabitha and i went to Macy's in efforts of finding some good deals! unfortunately for me, i couldnt find any clothes that were to my liking BUT i was able to get ANOTHER purse. YEP, you read that correctly ladies and gentlemen. apparently i'm starting to think that im transitioning from shoes to purses. got Mom one too since she needs to switch out her old one. she has a "cheap" purse that she carries for everyday uses and then a nicer one for when she's not just going to work and stuff. i like the purse that she got. it was a great deal and its cute! i like my purse too! i think it really was an impulse buy since i told Mom that i would buy it so she could borrow it since she didnt wanna spend that much money for an everyday purse. i like it. its bigger than my little coach so its all good!

after we got back, i decided that i just needed to relax so i took a bubble bath. i love the jets shooting out and it was fun being able to control the amount of bubbles i had in the tub. it was like i was a big kid in there! blowing bubbles, shaping them and moving them about. i also did the obvious "seductive" thing (i'm not sure if thats the BEST word to use) of moving the bubbles around so that the covered the things i needed to have covered. it was just fun overall just siting there in the water, listening to music and doing not much else!

Pam called afterwards. she was drunk (what a lightweight!! but i would be hypocritical to say too much on that topic!) she's insane! i really do love her!! she and Maria are the best friends a girl can make and have!! they really do care about me! *sniff sniff*

soo its been about 24 hours. . .and i havent done much phone calling. i think i'm weird. i've never been able to handle meeting guys very well, unless i was meeting them through my guy friends and thats because to be honest, i would never really consider dating any of my guy friends' friends. not sure why but i think its because their friends might have similar male characteristics like them. dont get me wrong, i love my guy friends but some of the things they do and live to tell me about i would rather not know. but i guess until i try it, i shouldnt knock it, right??

sooo i think to keep me thinking positively about myself i've been listening to "Extraordinary" by Liz Phair over and over and OVER again! i really love this song. it really makes me feel empowering but at the same time, i think about what she says about doing the things to make him love her. love should never be something that you have to MAKE someone feel. (but at the same time, i dont think thats exactly what she meant by that either!) i think the most important line in the song is that "i am extraordinary,if you ever get to know me!" i think thats SERIOUSLY important!! honestly, i think at first when people meet me, i may come off as many things but over time, you can find out that i'm pretty normal, fun, cool, ect. i have my quirks and my bad things but who doesnt? if i was perfect, well, i would DIE!! (haha sorry about the drama queen moment!) i love this song! it got me through the Doug period when i needed it to remind me that it was DOUG's LOSS for never really saying anything to me about how he really felt about me, if anything. i think this song will probably make a visit once a year for me. this is the 2005 visit! yeah!!

okay i think im gonna end the evening with some good ole fashion KARAOKE!! i need to have a karaoke night at my house. alcohol and TONS of singing! that would be fun!! yeah!! something to plan in time!!

"M" Friday
for not partying yesterday, i did do a good share of drinking (not the drunk kind though! a sign that im growing up!)

after work, Gypsy and i ended up going to get margaritas at berryhill since had never been there before. we just enjoyed our margaritas with some chicken queso. it was funny cuz i got a strawberry margarita, not knowing that what they meant by "strawberry margarita" was some strawberry syrupy stuff in the margarita. not exactly what i was expecting but it was okay anyway. . .of course, i drank it kinda fast, like i normally do and felt extremely BUZZY! always exciting!! this made me eat more queso (which isnt mexican!!) and made me kinda full!! it was fun though. Gypsy and i went to get our eyebrows done. i like it. i prefer threading but the waxing is okay too. sooo when i got home i wasnt that hungry and i was waiting on going to dinner. i still ended up going to dinner but i didnt really eat which i felt SUPER BAD about. instead i had two drinks, a caramel apple and lemon drop martinis. YUMMY stuff!! dinner was fun. there were parts of the conversation that i was caught offguard by but it wasnt a bad thing. to be honest, i never really had anyone ask me if i was ever "in love" with Giang. it was kinda weird having that asked over 3 years later. its funny how things change and happen and how quickly time passes. its a really good thing. sometimes i never realize it till someone says something about it. . .it just makes you think. . .

i'll write more about saturday later tonight. i gotta go run and drop something off at the post office. my lazy ass is ALWAYS late!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAROLINE!!
I <3 U

imma dork
soooooo today was an interesting day to say the least. i wrote up 2 kids today (yeah!), went to a baby shower (ate more cheese that i probably did in france! maybe a bit of an exaggeration!) and talked to a parent of NOT my student.

i think i'm finally becoming comfortable with writing up kids. it something that i need to honestly utilize since kids need to be disciplined for their idiotic actions! it just drives me NUTS sometimes when kids are stupid. i asked a student today if she had to yell back at me when i told her stop talking for the 2nd time!! she told me "yes." guess where that conversation went?? ON THE REFERRAL!! HELLS YEAH!!

went to the Lyons baby shower. my gosh Katrina made it seem soooo miserable to be pregnant. if i'm that kinda prego, i wanna figure out a way to do it out OUTSIDE of the body (too bad i cant think of the fancy scientific word for it!) baby showers rule because you get a lot of stuff you need without having to buy it yourself!! at least at good ones! i think we're gonna need to do one for LaLa before school gets out since she delivers in June and then a bridal shower for Kathy. im not sure what you do at a bridal shower but i guess we'll see when it happens!!

so today i helped Cassim by calling up Tri's mom to talk to her about him. its funny because Tri's an interesting kid. i really like interacting with him and hopefully today's conversation with his mom helped a lot! sometimes i think my job may help me with my vietnamese. either that or it'll make me look like a big DUMBASS. havent decided which yet.

soo tomorrow nite is dinner. too bad he doesnt know i normally am NOT a dinner kinda person. it makes me nervous. is that WEIRD? im not use to formality. im sure it wont be that way cuz i feel comfortable around him but i dunno. im complicated, probably cuz i make myself that way! hopefully it'll be fun. hopefully i wont drink too much!! YIKES! cuz that could be bad!!!

oh yeah, life's going to be easy breezey for a couple of weeks since i've got it kinda planned out. YEAH! im excited! oh yeah, i need to remember to do something good for Caroline since i've sucked as a friend! i'll have to put up a happy birthday message in a few minutes. . .

food poisoning??
i got home and i felt like ass after i had some cheese bread. i think it might have been the culmination of quickly having my vanilla coke and then stuffing myself with cheese bread! i came upstairs and just had an allover YUCKY feeling! right before i showered *barf* DUDE!! i dunno but it kinda made me feel better. . .it also sent me into sleeping until right now! i feel better though (and probably a little lighter too! lol)

i think im someone's conscience or someone's tryin to impress or unimpress me with his "bad boyness." i dunno. i called after the 1st text message and felt like an idiot. i'm not gonna call for this one. im just going to pass out. it sounds like a better idea to me! so a-passing out i will do!! =)

walking with a SPRING in my step!
so yeah. . today, i was FANASTICAL!! i did not matter what was going on around me, you could NOT mess up my spirits!! (it was as if i had been drinking and holding a good buzz all day!!) honestly its been a long time since ive been up till 2am in the morning talking on the phone ON A WEEK NIGHT!! that's the crazy part!! when i got home today, i just crashed!!! i definitely felt like a fatty becaus emy tummy was filled and i just crashed on my bed when i went upstairs (thank goodness for a comfy bed!)

i really wanted to make call to him today but i thought that maybe i should just call and asked about the whole birthday thing tomorrow. im hoping he did okay on his midterms! i would feel SUPER BAD if he doesnt! thats the worst thing! grades dropping because you're talking to someone on the phone until an ungodly hour!! usually i try to save those for weekends but some people have lives! im getting old, i dont have much of a life left! hehehe

today we (Pam, Maria, Todd and Jeremy and I) went to double daves after work for dinner. it was fun. it made me miss Austin, the first time i'd ever had a peproni roll! *sigh* everyone was funny, even Todd! lol

you know it really got me thinking tonight when i was talking to Pam. . .its really interesting how each individual suffers with self-image. doesnt matter who you are:big, small, short, tall, black, white, brown or yellow. well have issues that we face! i love my friends. each and every one of them are beautiful in their own individual way. thats what makes them soo special to me!! everyone's soo unique! SERIOUSLY, if everyone was the same, it would be soooo dayam boring! i'm glad thats not the case!!

i still owe Pam. i'm a blabbermouth! if you ever tell me a secret and you dont want anyone to know, please tell me "dont tell anyone about it!" and i'll know for sure that the info should never pass my lips again! (i love you Pam!)

all i have to say is hehehehehe =)

its too late to still be awake but now i cant sleep! i better try harder!

time to PIMP out the friends (and myself!
i have never really questioned my singleness. its never been an issue of "why am i single?" i dont think i've ever wondered that. i think if anything, i've always known that i cant really look because i NEVER have any luck there! i came to eventually realize that i should just NOT look and see if i just accidently run into him one day. so where did ths reflection come from? it came to me after talking to Maria about some stuff at work. she told me how her and her bf were talking about Pam and I. They were saying how we're cool people but ALAS without significant others. With that said, I am here to PIMP out my friends!! Here I go!!!!

PAM
BR native that graduated from LSU. Teaches World Geography! CRAZY fun gal! She's the person that you could have a farting contest with and see who was more lethal! She's a goofy person that any guy can have fun hanging out with! She is definiltey NOT a shy person which is something that i love about her! she's also a SEXY RUNNING MACHINE!!

CAROLINE
someone i've known FOREVER. she's like another sister to me! lives in austin. works as a media buyer. she's a super independent professional gal! she's fun-loving goofy too! i love this girl!

RICKY
another person i've known forever! i love this guy, he's just awesome. put him in a club, bar, sporting event, whatever, he'll have fun! he's always making sure that you're having fun, an all around good guy!

ME
I'm freaking AWESOME! =) if you want to know me, leave a message!!

so yeah, i didnt pimp my friends and myself as well as i could but there's always next time!!

im such a giddy little girl right now!
so my cookies didnt turn out too well. im a stupid idiot for not changing the position of the oven rack and thus all my cookies SUCKED ass because they were cajun style. . BLACKENED. . the way cookies SHOULDNT be made!! it sucks but tomorrow i'm going to try again!

so ive become all giddy lately. i love it! im slightly smittened. is that retarded?? i need to be more outgoing in public and say what i feel or what i think. not be all retarded! but yeah, i like the way i am right now. its been a long time and it's healthy for me! at least i think so!! okay. . my finger hurts from being butchered!

i need to find someone who appreciates my cooking. . .outside of my family (if i cooked for them1 i wanna temporarily nest. . well time to go to bed. . nite nite!

a more reflective posting
Yesterday on April 2, 2005, Pope John Paul II past away after battling many health issues. In the end, he was done over by septic shock with heart and kidney failure. Honestly, I really cant explain why this means so much to me. First of all, I'm NOT Catholic. Second, I've never really cared about the pope before. So the question is, "why is it that I care so much now?" To be honest, I'm not sure myself. Most people would say that its the whole bandwagon effect. Everyone else is mourning so why can't I? I think that honestly he was a man for everyone, Catholics and non-Catholics. I've never been passionate or a follower of any living person. It just has never been my style. I guess on my day off though, I had plenty of time to read up on Pope John Paul II. Thats when I learned all the amazing things that he has done. I think for many people my age, the pope has been the only religious leader of our time. He's had so much influence and its sad to see him go. Pam's been teasing me about how I'm totally reading too much news!! I guess in a way, its AMAZING to see how one man's life has affected so many. I need to find a profession like that!!!

MORE STUFF LATER. . .time to bake cookies!!!!!