that lingering sadness. . .
before i go into all the sad stuff, in happy news. . .
*i went to sky bar on thursday. it was fun hanging out with people i havent hung out before =)
*spent friday shopping. . got myself some much needed tops to go with the pants but too bad its starting to warm up outside! DAMN!!
*spent some time on the phone
*went out AGAIN on saturday night. it was cool
*last but not least, put together my NEW bed and table! YEAH!! my room is on the road to looking awesome!!

so here comes the gloom and doom. . .
for some reason, unknown to me, i just feel unhappy! =( like im starting to feel like im missing something in my life. the sad thing is what im feeling like im missing is a guy, a relationship, the companionship. BLAH!! its like my brain is in FLASHBACK mode. i see all the experiences i've shared with guys and just reminsce(sp?). ITS SO BAD! sometimes i hate it because it really is depressing. it makes me think that i'll never find someone. im never gonna be happy and in love again. its weird because i also miss hugs and stuff. i miss the little things: hugs, holding hands, leaning up against each other, dorky comments, just the butterfly feeling inside! i really do miss it all! i hate to say this but as much as i hated giang for being a dick about things in the end, i miss just talking to him, sharing the moments we did when he was in town, ect. as much as i want to hate doug for never being straight forward with me, i just loved the moments that werent bad, the fun times we had when we hung out. as much as i wanted to hate david for never telling me he had a gf, i totally am still into him and want to talk to him because he's soo damn funny and fun to be around. all these stupid freaking guys! i dont get it!!
FINE, i'll concede that im a chunky monkey! i have no probably conceding that at all. shoot! i aint gonna lie!! but in all that chunk, i've got muscle (buried underneath! LOL!) im a good person. im fun to be around. if anything, i'm awesome! my personality is awesome (but apparently when you're not freaking gorgeous, thats what you have huh?) no more self depreciation! I AM A GREAT PERSON! i just need some nice guy that i enjoy being around and am attracted to to get that whole idea!!
if anything, if i meet that guy, i'll love him forever. its just how im built and programmed. im a romantic. it sucks. i just hope i feel better tomorrow. all this gloom and doom sucks. its not good when you're a teacher!