so you would think it would stop. . .
Screw NOT using names! I need to thank the people in my lives for what they do so here goes the NAME DROPPING! =)

Yesterday I went with the girls (Pam and Maria) to get dessert! Strawberry Napoleans are the best!! *hint hint to all my future bfs!* The only problem was it wasnt fresh so it wasnt as yummg as it could have been! =( BUT THEN AGAIN, I LOVE IT ENOUGH WHERE IT WAS STILL YUMMY!! Even during the time we spent chit-chatting, i just didnt feel the same! There's still that lingering poo-poo feeling. Not as in I need to go but I just feel unhappy! I hate to bring everyone down with me but its funny how we (girls) go through things together. It's like having a support group at work! (hehe)

Its odd but what if I am crushing and that this lingering unhappiness is because of the lack of success with guys. I really have to admit OVER AND OVER again how nice it was just to hang out with someone and it be normal. Gus, a person I havnet seen in YEARS but have known for the longest time, was amazingly cool on Saturday night! It kinda makes me think about how I led my life growing up. Was I really a stuck up brat and never realized it? Wad David kinda right during the summer when he use to tease me about being a spoiled brat? (I dont think I'm THAT bad it makes ya think!) But man, just standing at the balcony talking about random stuff was fun. I have to admit this, only because Pam is probably the only one reading this right now (and if thats not the case, PLEASE COMMENT SO I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE) but when he was rubbing my arms to keep me warm, I just kinda wanted him to hug me instead. It just makes MORE SENSE! hahaha.

I'm at an all time new low!

I've always been a boy-crazy person growing up. It kinda calmed down during college, esp when I met Giang (John) and thought he was the LOVE OF MY LIFE! Ask my college friends a.k.a. the guys. They would NEVER tell you that they think I'm boy crazy! Well Shazia use to try to help me figure out my true feelings about a guy by asking me if I like him (the guy) or the idea of him. If its the later, it just meant I was lonely and not really wanting the guy. It's weird to think that Giang was the first person I really felt that way about. *sigh* Nowadays, I'm not even sure how that feels, to what someone around you 24/7. So I guess I'm still sad.

Lemme A.D.D. for a sec. Today was like OMG BORING! Monitoring kids for FOUR FREAKING HOURS when you cant do anything but STARE at them SUCKS!! I wanted to fall asleep so many times! GEEZ! Lemme tell you how much I LOVE my computer and how I've come to realize that I'm a 100% SOCIAL CREATURE! I NEED TO TALK!! I MUST INTERACT! I'm like a SUGARGLIDER! Without interaction, i COULD DIE!! (Well maybe not that drastic. . oh yeah, I always wanted a sugar glider!)

Okay, A.D.D. moment gone! I've been tryin to listen to music that's suppose to cheer me up and make me feel all "independent STRONG woman." It's not working. I LOVE LOVE Since U Been Gone but it hasnt helped! If anything, Kelly has gotten me a lil bit more depressed! There's this one song from the Romeo and Juliet soundtrack that I love now. Its called You and Me Song by the Wannadies. I really like it but its about being with someone more than being single. the chorus: "you and me always and forever. . ."over and over . DEPRESSING? just a little bit. but I'll live! You would think after NOT being in a serious relationship for THREE LONG YEARS, I would get use to it. Apparently I'm experiencing a relapse. A REALLY BAD ONE.

PHASE 1: Depression. Hopefully I'll move to phase 2 soon. Whatever it is, its gotta be better than this!!