random musings of Jane. . .
when is it NOT random musings???

first things first. . .i need to find myself a gay best friend. i have to admit that while i was in school, i never met many gay people. i know this sounds like they're a novelty to me but honestly it just allows myself to see and experience what i have never experienced before. in college, going to boyz cellar and oilcan's was more like something to do for fun, not to really hang out with people who actually went there themselves. going out with grang, jay and david with the girls was just TONS of fun! i mean, J.R.'s was way entertaining! where do you have guys in their undies dancing about? (minus strip clubs because thats kinda dirty!) i have to admit though, it is kinda weird not having guys look at you (not that it ever happens anyway =() but its even weirder to know that the guy next to you could be checking out the same person you are!

i love that my friends and i can talk about farting and pooping. it makes me realize that in the short time we've known each other, we're actually really comfortable about our bodily functions! yeah! =)

instead of grading, i'm watching the OSCARS!! i have to say that:
1. i'm disappointed that Super Size Me didnt win the documentary!!
2. the guy that won for cinementography for the Aviator (i think!) was freaky! he was thanking his mom for his WHOLE speech. it was kinda freaky! is this what happens when a momma's boy grows up to be a momma's man? i mean, i love my mom but MAN!!! i just dont know.
3. the oscar nominated songs. . . Live to be Lonely (i think) from the Phantom of the Opera. I really like it. maybe thats because thats my future? boohooo
4. chris rock has been pretty calm. I was expecting a lot of craziness from him. but there's still some show left to go . . .
. . . .and i still havent started grading!!
oh yeah. . one more thing. i STILL am NOT a fan of penelope cruz. its not fair that she's dating matthew mc! he's a texas cutie!!

i need to go see shortcut to nirvana. sometime this week!!

oh yeah, i went to the galleria on saturday and got a makeover at sephora by stila. i bought the stuff. you dont want to ask how much i spent. i'm going to be wearing makeup more =)

oh yeah thats all for now. . . . .

sometimes it's NOT necessary
. . .a title that is!

So my 5A drove me nuts today. I actually SCREAMED today. like the voice cracking screaming. I hate it. I had a Woodchuck though. It helped. I had a headache though. That sucked. I can't wait till the end of the semester.

I'm starting to feel better. I think I'm at about phase 1.5! YEAH! I'm happy.

Oh yeah, thanks to those who read! If you're reading, just leave a comment saying hi! It'll let me know you were here! =)

so you would think it would stop. . .
Screw NOT using names! I need to thank the people in my lives for what they do so here goes the NAME DROPPING! =)

Yesterday I went with the girls (Pam and Maria) to get dessert! Strawberry Napoleans are the best!! *hint hint to all my future bfs!* The only problem was it wasnt fresh so it wasnt as yummg as it could have been! =( BUT THEN AGAIN, I LOVE IT ENOUGH WHERE IT WAS STILL YUMMY!! Even during the time we spent chit-chatting, i just didnt feel the same! There's still that lingering poo-poo feeling. Not as in I need to go but I just feel unhappy! I hate to bring everyone down with me but its funny how we (girls) go through things together. It's like having a support group at work! (hehe)

Its odd but what if I am crushing and that this lingering unhappiness is because of the lack of success with guys. I really have to admit OVER AND OVER again how nice it was just to hang out with someone and it be normal. Gus, a person I havnet seen in YEARS but have known for the longest time, was amazingly cool on Saturday night! It kinda makes me think about how I led my life growing up. Was I really a stuck up brat and never realized it? Wad David kinda right during the summer when he use to tease me about being a spoiled brat? (I dont think I'm THAT bad it makes ya think!) But man, just standing at the balcony talking about random stuff was fun. I have to admit this, only because Pam is probably the only one reading this right now (and if thats not the case, PLEASE COMMENT SO I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE) but when he was rubbing my arms to keep me warm, I just kinda wanted him to hug me instead. It just makes MORE SENSE! hahaha.

I'm at an all time new low!

I've always been a boy-crazy person growing up. It kinda calmed down during college, esp when I met Giang (John) and thought he was the LOVE OF MY LIFE! Ask my college friends a.k.a. the guys. They would NEVER tell you that they think I'm boy crazy! Well Shazia use to try to help me figure out my true feelings about a guy by asking me if I like him (the guy) or the idea of him. If its the later, it just meant I was lonely and not really wanting the guy. It's weird to think that Giang was the first person I really felt that way about. *sigh* Nowadays, I'm not even sure how that feels, to what someone around you 24/7. So I guess I'm still sad.

Lemme A.D.D. for a sec. Today was like OMG BORING! Monitoring kids for FOUR FREAKING HOURS when you cant do anything but STARE at them SUCKS!! I wanted to fall asleep so many times! GEEZ! Lemme tell you how much I LOVE my computer and how I've come to realize that I'm a 100% SOCIAL CREATURE! I NEED TO TALK!! I MUST INTERACT! I'm like a SUGARGLIDER! Without interaction, i COULD DIE!! (Well maybe not that drastic. . oh yeah, I always wanted a sugar glider!)

Okay, A.D.D. moment gone! I've been tryin to listen to music that's suppose to cheer me up and make me feel all "independent STRONG woman." It's not working. I LOVE LOVE Since U Been Gone but it hasnt helped! If anything, Kelly has gotten me a lil bit more depressed! There's this one song from the Romeo and Juliet soundtrack that I love now. Its called You and Me Song by the Wannadies. I really like it but its about being with someone more than being single. the chorus: "you and me always and forever. . ."over and over . DEPRESSING? just a little bit. but I'll live! You would think after NOT being in a serious relationship for THREE LONG YEARS, I would get use to it. Apparently I'm experiencing a relapse. A REALLY BAD ONE.

PHASE 1: Depression. Hopefully I'll move to phase 2 soon. Whatever it is, its gotta be better than this!!

just wanted to let everyonen know, i've changed the template for my blog so that you can comment! so comment away!! =) i wont hate on what you have to say about me and my ramblings!

that lingering sadness. . .
before i go into all the sad stuff, in happy news. . .
*i went to sky bar on thursday. it was fun hanging out with people i havent hung out before =)
*spent friday shopping. . got myself some much needed tops to go with the pants but too bad its starting to warm up outside! DAMN!!
*spent some time on the phone
*went out AGAIN on saturday night. it was cool
*last but not least, put together my NEW bed and table! YEAH!! my room is on the road to looking awesome!!

so here comes the gloom and doom. . .
for some reason, unknown to me, i just feel unhappy! =( like im starting to feel like im missing something in my life. the sad thing is what im feeling like im missing is a guy, a relationship, the companionship. BLAH!! its like my brain is in FLASHBACK mode. i see all the experiences i've shared with guys and just reminsce(sp?). ITS SO BAD! sometimes i hate it because it really is depressing. it makes me think that i'll never find someone. im never gonna be happy and in love again. its weird because i also miss hugs and stuff. i miss the little things: hugs, holding hands, leaning up against each other, dorky comments, just the butterfly feeling inside! i really do miss it all! i hate to say this but as much as i hated giang for being a dick about things in the end, i miss just talking to him, sharing the moments we did when he was in town, ect. as much as i want to hate doug for never being straight forward with me, i just loved the moments that werent bad, the fun times we had when we hung out. as much as i wanted to hate david for never telling me he had a gf, i totally am still into him and want to talk to him because he's soo damn funny and fun to be around. all these stupid freaking guys! i dont get it!!
FINE, i'll concede that im a chunky monkey! i have no probably conceding that at all. shoot! i aint gonna lie!! but in all that chunk, i've got muscle (buried underneath! LOL!) im a good person. im fun to be around. if anything, i'm awesome! my personality is awesome (but apparently when you're not freaking gorgeous, thats what you have huh?) no more self depreciation! I AM A GREAT PERSON! i just need some nice guy that i enjoy being around and am attracted to to get that whole idea!!
if anything, if i meet that guy, i'll love him forever. its just how im built and programmed. im a romantic. it sucks. i just hope i feel better tomorrow. all this gloom and doom sucks. its not good when you're a teacher!

random thoughts
last night was definitely interesting. i think sometimes as i interact with new and different people, it allows me to understand myself a little bit more. its kinda weird but i guess i like that whole aspect! i want to grow as a person. its weird though but i'll be honest. i miss being in like. i love the feeling of being all giggley and stupid! i think the closest i was to that was on sunday night after my conversation with someone that resembles a freaking oak tree! its cute. so here's my thought. . .

CURRENTLY ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS FOR:
*social coordinator
*personal smile maker
*personal trainer
*speech coach

REQUIREMENTS:
*have at least some experience (quality of work is better than quantity)
*preference towards a multi-talented multi-tasker
*preferentially a person of the opposite sex =)

lets what and see if the applications come rolling in! wahoo!!

Vday, RECAPPED!
well Valentine's day was just like any other day. Went out with ONE friend (everyone else decided not to go). Had dinner at Lasagna House on Eldridge. Got dressed up in my new shirt with my pink pants. LOOKED HOT!! =) it was a good happy vday to me! my secret pal is also freakishly awesome! i get such good gifts from them! im gonna have to get an awesome gift for them at the end of the year! im excited!

another year, another Valentine's day. .
so its 15 minutes before Valentine's day and yet again, I am celebrating another year of singleness! YEAH! This year I will be celebrating with a good group of people that I've come to truly love and adore! Its amazing how friendships begin! We actually went out on Saturday night to Alamo Drafthouse to see Hitch It was definitely a CUTE movie! Totally made me feel good and sappy inside despite not having someone to share the joy of love and such in 13 minutes. Its amazing because in the past couple of months, I've interacted with quite a few guys and NOTHING. If anything, just interesting people to converse with and get to know but I dunno. I think I've come to a point in my life where I thoroughly enjoy where I am in life. I have my family, my friends, my health, my job and my life. I'm actually happy. Even though there are times where I go down memory lane and wonder what COULD have been, I actually do come back to the present and remember what I do have at the moment which still makes me happy! I know that in 11 minutes, when it becomes February 14, I wont sit there in the mist of all the down on my bed and cry. Instead, tomorrow night, I'm going to go home, get myself and dressed up to have dinner and drinks with my friends and celebrate the singleness that we share! They ARE my valentines this year. YES! MULTIPLE VALENTINES! BiG PiMpIn!! Sometimes, you gotta have a smile on your face because the world isn't over. If anything, another day has just begun!!

in need of a refresher
so today was a bad day at work. 4 of my students were suspended from school. one of the 4 is going to ALC for bring drugs to school, 2 others were suspending for trespassing with gang members and the 4th one i bearly know since he had just gotten back from ALC when he came into my class. yeah! winners! sometimes it really makes you wonder "whats the point?" you try so hard to get the kids to be good so that they can get the most out of their education and schooling but nOoOOooOOoOo they'd rather do other things. i dunno. i think im too emotionally involved still. i need to start distancing myself from the kids before they drive me NUTS!!

oh yeah, im working on a special birthday project for a friend. its exciting! i like it a lot! =)