no titles. no introductions. just jumping into the hard cold facts.

things, maybe even life, has been changing constantly for me in the past couple of months. maybe in the past couple of years, but i think thats a given. its weird but sometimes i think that even though things are going well, im still, HONESTLY, not the happiest person i can be. that, in itself, is very disappointing.

its weird sometimes. i watch tv and it makes me cry. (i know im an overly sensitive person but DAYAM, am i really that bad?) in my last couple of weeks in austin, ive done a LOT of thinking. im not where i thought i would be at almost 23. it was funny because yesterday in seminar we had to fill out a survey of sorts and one of the questions was "where are you going to be in 5 years?" i wanted to (comically put) "in houston (possibly), still teaching (hopefully biology), happily married with a baby on the way." but i JUST put the first two things only because i dont think the third thing will be happening.

its scary. life's scary sometimes. i guess im starting to feel a little lost at a time when i should be feeling a lot more secure and safe. i dont feel that way. i really dont.

you know whats really hard though? having so much kept inside. i have so many questions that i want answers to. it should be easy but its not. it makes me sad just thinking about it. i think im having a not happy day. maybe i'm just lying to myself and i've had a unhappy while.

mood of the moment: =( (too bad its not like xanga where i can insert a face)