What It Feels Like To Be A Teacher. .
tonight's entry is going to be (mostly) dedicated to my future profession. . . so here i go!

happiness
today's lesson was a BIG iffy! i really did NOT think that things were going to go well. i mean, all i had planned (FOR SURE) was my water cycle pop-up book. other than that, everything was a blur! i was relying on my lovely teaching counterpart to do the nitrogen and carbon cycle books so therefore i was (somewhat) prepared for anything! when things didnt turn out as planned in the morning before 1st period, i became frantic. we spent the next 50 mins perfecting what we were going to do so that things would be better. when 2nd period came around, the kids actually enjoyed the pop-ups and participating as Juanita, Carlos and Nancy. (2 out of 3 AINT bad!) the best part was 3rd period TRULY enjoying my Juanita pop-up book! I thought it was great that they genuinely liked what i had done. it really made me happy

sadness
as a tutor, i've become really close to some of my students. i've started to go to my students' athletic events to see them excel and work outside of the academic setting. as of late, i've been going to soccer games. since my boys made it to the playoffs, i drove all the way out to Dripping Springs to watch them. given that i dislike driving far in the dark (because i have night blindness =X) and the rain wasnt helping, it was a big deal for me to go!! unfortunately after sitting in the cold for about an hour and a half, the boys lost to Kerrville, 3-1. seeing that one student as disappointed as he was after the game was really sad for me. granted there's not much i can do but still. . .thats what makes it worst! even a "you'll get them next year" and similar comments didnt help. . .the frustrations of just feeling that you havent done good enough. . .

i was asked by my boss today what my plans for fall 2004 were. of course i replied "im hoping to have a teaching job" i've come to realize that i really do wanna stay in austin for 2 more years, just to see the Class of 2006 graduate and then go on my merry little way back to houston. its still something to consider. . .i know if i wanted the job, all i have to do is tell someone and its pretty much mine. i guess i just have to see what houston has to offer. . .

Spring Break is OVER!
so the ending to my SB wasnt too bad. . .hung out with one of my friends. . .did my whole MK schpeel for her and then went for coffee! to our dismay, Dolce and Freddo is closed now!! CRAZINESS! i was kinda sad! but instead, we ended up going to starbucks. . . chocolate brownie fraps! way too much chocolate and sugar at that late time at nite but soo yummy! did flip through some magazines. . lets say im really feeling yellow and halter dresses =) well finishing up some stuff because tomorrow is another day. . .

the scariest accident i've ever seen
so i dont know how to add links to this because it never works but copy and paste this into IE and check it out yourself! i've never seen a car in more than two pieces before. . .and look at the sheets! is that where the driver is now? sad! this is why we drive the speed limit kids!!

http://forums.audiworld.com/s4/msgs/1584624.phtml

so much to think about in my last couple of months as an undergrad. . .
like the subject of this entry states, i've come to realize that i have soo much to think about in the next couple of months! for instance:
1. where am i gonna live? am i gonna stay in austin or move back to houston?
conditions: depends on where i get a job. even though i want to really stay in austin, i know that if i get a job offer in houston, it'll be to my benefit to go back
to houston because i'll save TONS of money. . but austin. . .i love it soo much cuz i've been there soo long! what to do? i dunno *shrug*
2. guys: BLAH! i know where i am. . .i just wonder if i can find someone thats there with me too!
3. school: i should be tetatively stressing. . i STILL have to take physics. . hahaha. . being that i have no money to sign up for it, it's gonna suck! i still need to
register for the TeXeS exam too. . .thats something i gotta do first thing when i get back into austin. . .it'll be on my monday (or tuesday) to do list!
4. responsibilities: i've lucked out these last couple of years. .granted i've been dayam responsible when i needed to be. . but with finances. . i SUCK! i dunno
what im gonna do next year. . hopefully i wont go bankrupt!

oddly enough last night i had a convo with a good friend that i havent talked to in a while. . .man i miss the good ole days! and i promised i wouldnt write about what we talked about =) but it made me think a little. back in the day, when i was totally in love. . (ick!) i use to (sometimes) have dreams about him. . .its weird. i use to think that i dreamt about people i liked or something like th at. . but now, i dont even do that! i dont think i do much dreaming (that i remember) anymore. whether thats good or bad, im not sure. im not one to assess that bit just yet!

my asian sensation friend is having girl troubles. . .welcome to the club! i think that when you've reached a point where you want to be able to share something special with a person, life just gets frustrating! its never easy! you know what else is frustrating? the fact that my dog NEVER wants to get back into the backyard! he's insane! what a bad dog!!

one last rant. im super super sore! my arms hurt. . .i think i did a little too much work yesterday. . .i get worked out muscles and a tan from doing yard work. . haha FUN FUN! well lets make it sound more girly. . more like some heavy duty gardening =)

one last thought: sometimes, even when you wait, it takes forever for things to happen. so the question is, do you want around for things to happen or take things into your own hands! tell me what you think!

a Spring Break UPDATE:No New Orleans =(
i should of wrote this earlier but for those who are following my life (thanks, i feel special!!), i ended up not going to NO today. . i was kinda sad because i wanted to just hang out there and do nothing and enjoy the city! instead today i spent the day slaving (but tanning) in the yard doing gardening and beautification of my house =) i have to admit, im not a real girly girl but DANG working outside makes me think i am! i didnt start whining as bad as i thought i had the potential of doing so i was proud of myself there but still! it wasnt as fun as maybe sittin at Cafe du Monde, sipping on some frozen café au lait and watching cute passers-by. instead i slaved outside in the sun (NOT too bad) watching my doggy play in the muddy waters (ick!) its weird but just from observing my daily activities i realize i HAVE grown up a lot!

in sports news, UT beat Princeton in their round 1 game. games were gonna get interesting today! i really wanted Air Force to beat NCSt. it was good in the beginning but DAYAM NCSt for winning in the end! hopefully UT will prevail i go to the end of their bracket. . .GO HORNS!!

well for my prospective teacher friends. . .im kinda sad to say but houston is NOT payin as much as i thought. (Dude! if this is what they're paying in these districts, i dont wanna even imagine how much they're payin in HISD. .nothing?!?!) the following are some salaries for teachers with no experience:

Alief ISD (da 'lief, my home!): $37,500
Fort Bend ISD: $35,500
Katy ISD: $35,600
Cypress Fairbanks ISD: $35,600

Spring break, version St. Patty's Day
so i went out last nite for St. Patty's Day. it wasnt too bad. . did the whole irish pub thing which was kinda cool, just hangin out, chit-chatting and drinking beer. saw a lot of cuties. . .it was funny cuz at the end of the night when we were at Suede, i was hangin out on the patio to get away from the smoke and these two guys came up. you have Jeff, the really really OMG drunk one and Matt, the pretty sober and cute one. . .hehehe. . it was interesting to just talk to NORMAL (but drunk) people. apparently they noticed that i was just standing there watchin other people pass by and just started chitchatting. .well anyways, the drunk one just kept on rambling on and on about his trip to europe after i told them i was goin to france (how did we get here, im not sure) it was pretty informative though. . but i have to admit, i wish i had talked to Matt more. .. he goes to Texas St. . lives in New Braunfels (sp?) if you read t his Mr. Matt, contact me! LOL. .. oh watever. . if anything, last night, my mind was elsewhere. . =/ not necessarily good. . but not necessarily bad i guess. . i need to start returning back to my level of normalcy! watever that is!! hehe. . .just take one step at a time and "keep on swimming" =)

spring break, part trois!
so today has been semi-productive so far. i'm started on a powerpoint for ecology when i get back from spring break. im not exactly done but its better than having NOTHING! =D so i was reading some people's xanga pages and i realized that i shouldnt bitch and whine about friends who are bad at keeping in touch. i realized if anything, im pretty bad with it too. its like i've only kepted in touch with people that i want to keep in touch with. oddly enough that creates the dilemma of not keeping in touch with many individuals! i dunno. . its weird sometimes because i think with some friends i have the hardest time finding things to talk about because i feel that we've grown apart. i know that doesnt give me an excuse to not talk to them at all and avoid keeping in touch but man! i dunno. . i think next year when i have a job and thus some money, im gonna be a more mobile friend and fly out and visit people! if anything, my first domestic trip has to be to richmond so i can visit my best buddy! then hopefully hit up new york and such. . maybe on a separate trip! i might need the extra time at H&M! i also finally got an email back from my friend in london. i wish he had written me back sooner so i could have planned a trip to london for sure while i was in france. now im gonna have to see if i can fit in a trip to london while im in france for 2 weeks. i have a feeling its not gonna happen but im gonna try!

spring break, part deux =)
so today was a pretty lowkey day. . i didnt do much, not necessarily bad but it was slightly slow! i just did errands here and there. . i did pick up my E-ticket which made the whole trip more official! its kinda crazy because im worried that when i actually fly out, i'm gonna be SERIOUSLY lost and confused, especially since it'll be my first time EVER! lets hope that comes out peacefully! what else. . .i baked a cake =) it was nice going back to the baking. . .as long as its not mass-baking like during christmas! that was insane! so tomorrow st. patty's day (or actually today) im planning to hang out with some people so hopefully that'll be fun! i was brave and made a phone call tonite. . .not all bad. . .sometimes i think the simplicity of things is what i should hang with. . start to stress out a little less about things and just take things one day at a time and just enjoy things. . .when it comes down to it, i think life is way too short and clutter to fuss over little details. . .i just need to live. . .so im gonna enjoy the rest of my spring break, but i'll readily update things! on a happy note, Ms. Angelina Jolie was on Jay tonite =) i soo love her! she's just too awesome for words =) okie. .well no more lyric interpreting tonite. . .i think im gonna have Follow Through be my relationship theme song. . .i think its way too important! oh yeah, i think when im in NO, some things will be on my mind. . .i dont think i'll be on an all out search for Mr.B but it'll be interesting. . . sometimes i just want to have some last words. . but sometimes, its good to leave things where they are to. . .with that said, imma head out for tonite =) more more tomorrow!

Some more Lyrics

so only part of this song applies so i'll just put that part of it. . .

I Want You ~Janet Jackson

Feels like I'm going in circles.
Your like a maze, I can't get through.
Should I go left? Should I go right?
Should I let you stay for the night?
It's like a see-saw when it comes to your love.
Boy when you're up, this girl is down.
And I just can't figure it out.

I like this song a lot. .. the new Avril Lavigne. .. i have to admit though she must be really POed at some ex. . hehe. . you GO girl! tell them boys what you think!

Don't Tell Me ~ Avril Lavigne

You held my hand and walked me home I know
While you gave me that kiss it was something like this it made me go ooh ohh
You wiped my tears, got rid of all my fears, why did you have to go?
Guess it wasn't enough to take up some of my love cause you're so hard to trust
Did I not tell you that I'm not like that?
You're the one who gives it all away

Did you think that I was gonna give it up to you, this time?
Did you think that I was somethin I was gonna do and cry?
Don't try to tell me what to do,
Dont try to tell me what to say,
Youre better off that way

Don't think that your charmin the fact that your arm is now around my neck
I got you in my pants I'll have to kick your ass and make you never forget
I'm gonna ask you to stop, thought I liked you a lot, but I'm really upset
Get out of my head get off of my bed yeah thats what I said
Did I not tell you that I'm not like that, you're the one who, throws it all away

Did you think that I was gonna give it up to you, this time?
Did you think that I was somethin I was gonna do and cry?
Don't try to tell me what to do,
Dont try to tell me what to say,
Youre better off that way

This guilt trip that you put me on won't, mess me up but you're no wrong
Any thoughts of you and me have gone away

Did you think that I was gonna give it up to you, this time?
Did you think that I was somethin I was gonna do and cry?
Don't try to tell me what to do,
Dont try to tell me what to say,
Youre better off that way

Better off that way
I'm better off alone anyway


more spring break updates later tonite! =)

Music in place of words
sometimes music lyrics say it all! more songs later!

Follow Through ~Gavin DeGraw

Oh, this is the start of something good
Don't you agree?
I haven't felt like this in so many moons
You know what I mean?
And we can build through this destruction
As we are standing on our feet

So, since you want to be with me
You'll have to follow through
With every word you say
And I, all I really want is you
You to stick around
I'll see you everyday
But you have to follow through
You have to follow through

These reeling emotions they just keep me alive
They keep me in tune
Oh, look what I'm holding here in my fire
This is for you
Am I too obvious to preach it?
You're so hypnotic on my heart

So, since you want to be with me
You'll have to follow through
With every word you say
And I, all I really want is you
You to stick around
I'll see you everyday
But you have to follow through
You have to follow through

The words you say to me are unlike anything
That's ever been said
And what you do to me is unlike anything
That's ever been
Am I too obvious to preach it?
You're so hypnotic on my heart

So, since you want to be with meYou'll have to follow through
With every word you say
And I, all I really want is you
(For) you to stick around
I'll see you everyday
But you'll have to follow through

With every word you say
An I, all I really want is you (For) you to stick around
I'll see everyday
But you have to follow through
You have to follow through
You're gonna have to follow
Oh, this is the start of something good
Don't you agree?

spring break, part 1
so im spending time in houston and so far things arent too bad. . i did a little bit of spray painting in preparing my shelves for my bedroom. . its not looking 100% but i need something to put my stuff on in my room! i also got my ticket to paris today.. a really good deal! it only cost me $560! wahoo!! im soo excited about france! i just cant wait!! well i might end up going to new orleans thurs-sat which will be nice. . i wont have spent my whole SB doing nothing. . ironically my mom jokingly said that i could hunt Mr.X down while im near BR. . i wasnt really planning on doing all that. . too much work! i just wanted to go downtown NO and party a little bit but i doubt it! unless i can find other people my age, it'll be pointless! i kinda wanted to go back to austin on wednesday since i got an invite to go to a concert. . havent been to one of those in a LONG time but it would be bad to drive up for the night like i did for NYE's. .too tiring but it was a nice thought and gesture. . .

so a little celebratory note. . .congratulations are in order for a dell engineer who just got a promotion today! yeah!! CONGRATS sir! old people still do move up in the world! =P

on that note, i'll close for today. . .more about spring break tomorrow!

the future of education
*gets on soap box*
One of my goals to achieve as I get older is to work towards becoming an education policymaker. I realized while working in the education field and seeing what is happening, there is an URGENT NEED for change! With the passage of the new Texas law where any person holding a bachelors degree in any content area may teach, I have come to realize that the education system will never improve. I was sitting there thinking about how many complain about the quality of teachers degrading but at the same time, there must be an admission that THIS is NOT because there is NOT a pool of good teachers but that the system is letting in inexperienced and UNTRAINED teacher into the education system. When these individuals infiltrate school districts, for the most part, the quality of education WILL go down. Teaching is NOT the art of dictating information and crowd control but so many OTHER things too! In my weeks of student teaching, I have come to realize that despite my training and course work so far, the situations I have encountered in student teaching STILL have been difficult to face. EVERY DAY IS A CHALLENGE! This is a profession that looks a lot harder than many think! Not only do teachers face changing student populations but they also face harsh rules and regulations that are placed upon them by their schools, districts and states. Teachers' impacts are not unilateral but multilateral. I have come to realized after participating in many activities the realm of impact teachers have. In all honesty, if you are a member of the concern society on how the direction of teaching is going, there are some questions that as an individual, everyone MUST answer for his and herself:
1. Do I agree with the laws being implemented?
2. Would I want my child to be put through this system?
3. (most specifically) If I had a choice, would I want a teacher who was trained, not only in content but in education, teaching or any person who could pass a test for certification to teach?

Please do not think my views are harsh because I personally have worked for three semesters on coursework and training for my future career. I am being realistic. It IS the reality of the situation. If individuals want change, it has to start somewhere. The first brick MOST be laid before the whole house can be built.

sadness, disappointed, confusion, part 1
so ever since the weekend, i've been a little more actively thinking about the possibility of staying in austin next year. . i brought it up to my mom and she didnt seem to pleased with the idea. . . i think that saddens me a little bit because i want to live on my own for a couple more years. . .just to be my own person and see whats out here for me! i know REGARDLESS of my location, i would help my parents with the house anyways! it just makes me kinda sad that she's making it tough on me at the moment. . . watch me not even stay in austin!! im just tryin to explore the possibilities!

im not happy with the whole "waking up at 7am even when i can sleep in" deal but whatever. . .

i hate to think that my existence boils down to: student teaching, tutoring, bitching and whining about *ahem* and the basic needs: food, clothing and shelter. what an exciting life i lead! i really need to make some type of plans for friday or saturday nite before i go back to houston!

i think the one thing that really excites me is the possibility of being an ibook owner really soon!

near death, near madness, near AMAZING!
so whats happened since the last time i wrote. . .

FRIDAY
*bought my class ring (granted its late but its better than NEVER!)
*nearly got hit by a car! (this chick pulls up the stop sign while im crossing the street IN the crosswalk and must have "accidently slipped" off the brake pedal and starts rolling towards me. . near hitting me! stupid drivers!)
*Jane + magarita = early bedtime (i was out like a light by 10pm!)
*random phone calls (as usual, i get my "weekly" call. . this time it happened to be at 1am while i was sleeping. . .was i happy? not particularly! if you're gonna wake me up at 1am while i've been sleeping for a good 3 hours, there better be a DAYAM good reason and you better keep me on the phone for longer than 2 minutes. . .in this scenario, it did not meet either requirement! grrrrr!)

SATURDAY
*early rise (since i was in bed so early, i woke up at like 7ish! i ended up going back to sleep since i realized it was too early to be calling around bothering people! then ended up waking up at 10am)
*still NO plane ticket (after searching for nearly 2 hours online for a CHEAP, being the key word, ticket to Paris, i was VERY unsuccessful! hopefully i'll be able to get one tomorrow. . or at least by tuesday cuz time is a-ticking!)
*real world application (talked to my friend who quit UTeach and is teachin in pfluggerville. . she's not doing too bad for herself. . its scary to think i'll be doing the same in about 5 months!)
*bribery for good behavior (i go pick up some incentives from Mr. Asian Sensation's house. . .FREE STUFF! hopefully this will be a good way of getting the students to be good! im hoping this works!~)
*random crusing. . leads me to the mall (i buy one simple thing. . IMPRESSIVE. . . its cute. . i dunno if i wanna keep it because its just adding to the stuff that i DONT need!)
*a night of indulging. . dinner and sleep
*my first MK class! (i go and play makeup with some girlfriends after meeting them up at Trudy's. . look at the conversation that i make after ONE magarita *sigh* we end up playing make-up and letting them pamper themselves (smooth lips and hands!) for two hours. . from 2am to 6am, i "discuss" (a major euphamism sp?) my guy issues and whatnot. .

SUNDAY
*ANOTHER early morning (im still waking up at 10am even though i went to bed at nearly 7am!! im weird eh?)
*taking advantage of community events (brunch at the Met. . not bad at all . . too bad i dont know other people. .its weird not to know your neighbors!)
*such a beautiful day! (unfortunately i was UNsuccessful at getting myself down to zilker for the kite festival BUT i did end up spending a couple of hours at mozarts grading papers. . got myself a bit of a tan/sunburn. . .i love drinking coffee by the lake. . something calming, relaxing, reminiscent. . . *sigh* overall it was a nice day =)
*in search for technological mobile companion (im looking into gettin an ibook! its too cute and probably more reliable than MOST people!)

so there my weekend wrap-up. . if it was shorter, i would say it was a nutshell. . a lot of ideas got tossed out this weekend. . the possibility of staying in austin (and having a roommate again =)), of new friends, new things, new excitements. . new phase of my life. . .

solution to ALL of life's problems
well maybe its not the solution to ALL of life's problems but it does alleviate some of it. . all ya gotta do is IGNORE those mofo's that like to mess with your head. . when you ignore them, you worry about it a little less and then you can be a little more calm and normal! sometimes a little stress leads to a little bit of screaming, which is okay =) scream like no one can hear ya! (just like they say "dance like no one's watching" cuz the likelihood of them not watching is high!)

my worst day yet!
so this is gonna be short and simple. . .today was my worst day yet for student teaching. . .i was ready to throw in the towel and quit right there on the spot. . i mean, i actually broke down in tears. . not my best moment! i think right now i gotta figure out what to do and just set the rules straight with the kids. . i mean, im halfway through now. . .meaning i've still got 5 more f*cking weeks with these kids!! GRRRRR! i'll have to see how i cope. . im just too pooped now to care almost. . .

Happy Texas Independance Day
so this morning i went to the 25th Annual Texas Independance Day breakfast at the Tejas house. . it was pretty interesting. . i realized i still have a little bit of growing up to do =X but it was nice. . .haha i was totally shock when they had a champagne toast during breakfast! i mean, alcohol (even though its ONLY champagne) before 8am is INSANE! but i did learn a lot of information. . .haha if anything, UT students know how to party and protest! LOL! so im super tired since i've been up since about 6am. . . been awake for TOO many hours!

on the job front, there seem to be some openings at Travis and Johnston for next year. . .im kinda considering looking into it. it would be pretty exciting to teach at Travis for like 2 years, to watch the class of 2006 graduate and go back to houston. . . it just kinda sucks cuz they pay up here is gonna be so much less than in houston which is ironic considering the cost of living is a bit more than houston's. . .well just something to look into. . .

starsky and hutch
so tonite i went to the sneak preview of starsky and hutch. . .it was a pretty entertaining movie. i think there were moments where i genuinely laugh (which is awesome!) so here was a weird moment. . .when i was walking to get into the line for the movie, i ran into one of my students who was in line already. right away she said hi to me and i thought to myself "wow! this is really weird!" i guess im not use to be called Miss anything. . .its just weird! if anything, it kinda makes me feel old =X oh well!

i did realize something though. . .my life has gotten to be a lot calmer lately. . .and personally i think its a good thing. even though someone likes to think im "getting old," i just consider it "growing up" personally i dunno if i ever wanna get a "second wind" of all the crazy partying and stuff! i think i like being able to just sit at home and crash in front of the tv. . (even though sometimes its before eleven!) i enjoy just kicking back and getting a couple of drinks. . the simplicity is nice =) life cant get any better than that! i think while im trying to stay away from all the craziness in life, im just gonna bask in the glow of simplicity!

money go down the hole. . .
so this weekend was definitely a low-key weekend where money just went FLYING out the window! first i spent about $85 on passport stuff. . . then i went and got myself some furniture (somewhat of a thought-out impulse buy. . . im sure thats totally contradictory but it was!) and then just some normal teacher stuff. i spent almost $250 on stuff that im not sure if i really need or not but still will be found useful! LOL. . its crazy sometimes how things work out!

3am calls are useless unless there's a point to the phone call

i love having reliable friends. . .if anything i always have to remember that i have one good friend, he knows who he is. esp when i referance him as the asian sensation (you know you like it too! =P) i can definitely admit that i miss spending time with him since we're both busy. . . but hopefully i'll get to hang out with him more often because im sure he'll wanna come by and lay down on his futon (im storing it for him)

check out Katy Rose. . i got her cd today (more money down the hole) its good stuff :-) if you've heard any of her songs, its gonna be "overdrive"

student teaching: (i think im gonna have a section dedicated to my adventures in student teaching everytime i blog)
i think definitely over the weekend i've come to realize that Jill and i have grown a lot in the past four weeks as teacher. . . sometimes i think that we say this kinda stuff just to reassure ourselves that we are on a path of progression (which i definitely believe we are on!) furthermore i spent some time today talking to my french teacher correspondent, Mathilde. i spent the early morning hours talking to her sister, Melanie, since she caught me before going to bed (they're 7 hours ahead) Melanie is quite a feisty one. . i think because she's better at english she has more to say. Mathilde apparently isnt as proficient in english so she doesnt talk as much! either way, im really excited! she seems really cool and i cant wait for her to come!