*insert picture of a big dark rain cloud here* =(
im sure this is soo going to be a reversal and unexpected change in my blogs but i guess i need to vent since apparently i cant sleep! so i've been crying. . ."why?" you may be asking. . . HONESTLY, i'm not really sure. i think lately i've just been feeling a little bit more lonely than usual. i guess there's just so many things that i wish were in my life. ironically i think my happier times are when i'm in houston. being in austin doesnt have the same appeal anymore. . .i mean, im basically alone. i dont have the same network of people like i did last year. maybe thats what the big change in me over the past year really is. i'm not the same Jane i use to be. when things from the past come prancing along, it hits me like a brick wall and right now, i'm suffering. . . BADLY! i HATE crying, esp when there's no one here to comfort me. i HATE feeling sad, esp when there's no one here to talk about it with. i HATE feeling alone, esp when there are tons of people that are just a phone call away. it just kinda sucks and i dont know really whats there to do. i mean, i guess, honestly, i have been putting up this front about how "happy, cheery" (and any other positive, go-lucky word that works) i am! when it comes down to it, i just wanna be done with school and outta here!!! i almost think that i'm REALLY sad. . .if you get what i mean. . . i wont go as far as sayin what i think right now. . but i dunno. . .i just feel like the big dark rain cloud from the old prozac ads in magazines. . .or the slumpy tree before the christmas lights during the holiday season. . . whatever it is, i'm obviously sad inside and its not going away anytime soon. . .