GREAT EXPECTATIONS
Its dayam early .. something that i normally dont do on the weekend but i've had a rough one so anything can happen. . .well i guess i expected a lot more out of this weekendand i didnt get that soo i'm kinda disappointed. . .i've acted immaturely and havent done my job as a friend this weekend. . . but at the same time, during this weekend, old feelings of guilt and whatnot have been dragged back up into my life :-/ definitely something that i dont wanna feel from 6 years ago. its kinda unfortunate but i know the BIG mistake i made then, geez! sometimes, i actually somewhat self-lecture myself about it. . .and lets not even go into the whole "gold-standard" thing. . . hahaha i'm sure i'm writing in more detail than i should esp since people ACTUALLY read this thing of mine!! but this weekend, i guess i expected something different and all thats going on isnt what i wanted. i'm sure its partly my fault for acting immature and avoiding things but i dunno. . .i guess even though i've grown up over the years, i'm not as mature as i give myself credit for. sometimes i wish i was. . .sometimes i wish i knew what i wanted in the world, sometimes i just wish people could read my thoughts and it could ALL be over with. . .life could be soo simplier if i could just EXPRESS my honest ideas. . .but sadly, the one thing i can say is that i still feel guilty all these years. . .and all the jokes, all the comments, all the teasing doesnt help me! with everything that's happened, i would just rather crawl into a hole and hide forever to never ever EVER come out again. . .

i dont wanna hurt, feel guilty, love, be me anymore. . .

Chaque fois que tu t'en vas
You just bring me down
Je pretends que tout va bien
So I count my tears
Till I get over you